Seven Habits Of A Government Sponge

Habit 1. Be a Slacker.

To solidly step away from success and to assure your life sucks worse than an airplane toilet, you should avoid self-discipline, in all forms, at all costs. Yes, those who have been proficient at a putrid existence have ignored their body, mind and soul.

To insure your body conks out on you prematurely, I would focus on eating fatty foods, drinking massive volumes of alcohol, chain-smoking cigarettes, getting addicted to prescription meds and making certain you seldom, if ever, exercise.

Yes, I would make every effort to get your body so choked full of poison and so overweight that you’re able to hide small toys in the folds of your fat. Excess and abuse is the key to a crappy life. Go for it . . . Don’t be shy. We know you can do it.

As far as your mind is concerned, I would completely blow off reading, especially anything substantial. Serious education is for the Einstein’s and who would want to be an Einstein? Heck, a lot of rappers, some athletes, anchors for MSNBC, writers for TBN, pop stars and plenty of other people who have completely blown off the proper use of the head have made it so, why shouldn’t you? They’re no better than you are.

You, too, can be ignorant, and you, too, can screw your life up. If you feel like being stupid hasn’t paid off yet, don’t give up. Stay on the stupid wave, keep surfing it and under no circumstance pursue intelligence, enhance your common sense or to attempt learn from other people’s failures.

As far as your soul goes, if you want to be a soulless waste of space, do nothing to strengthen your inner man. Let your mind, will and emotions rum amok. You don’t need this “my utmost for His highest” crap.

The amazing wastoids that I have met have all been uniform in their beliefs that believing general and special revelation about God is hard work. And you’re not a hard worker. You’re homoslackien.

The large losers that I have met have rarely, if ever, touched the bible. They couldn’t care less if some of the greatest and most benevolent people in history were serious believers. To develop Seven Habits Of An Obama Government Sponge mindset, convince yourself that the Old and New Testaments are irrelevant for modern times, that is, according to your undergrad philosophy teacher.

To assure your decline in life, I would never pray, read the scripture or remotely follow any of its teachings. As a matter of fact, if you really want to muck up your life, just take a blah, blah, blah approach towards that which is holy, just and good.

About the author: Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter. And check out his NEW BOOK, Pussification: The Effeminization Of The American Male.

View all articles by Doug Giles

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