“How Will America Look If We Don’t Re-Elect Barack Obama At Least Four More Times?’’

(Note: This commentary is satire)

by Flower McMillan,
Sociology Major, senior,
Columbia University, NY

     Dear fellow humans,

     In 2008 America took a momentous step in electing Barack Obama, the first African-America president of the United States.   Crowds cheered, people cried for joy. In my neighborhood people danced in the streets and lit fireworks. The media was enthralled beyond expression.   America vacillated between fascination and obsession with the fresh, young, alluring president.   Who was this mysterious man we had elected to lead us?  

     Well, four years later, most of know or have a good idea who and what is Barack Obama.   Many of us can only agree to disagree on how well Obama has performed in office, or if we will vote for him again this November.   But, there is a dark cloud hanging over the Mr. Obama’s presidency, or the “Barack Obama Experience” you might say.   And that is this: we can only elect him twice.  

     Yes, the sad truth struts itself like a bully on the playground, ubiquitous in its dispiriting realism.  But what if … Just what if … What if we could re-elect Barack Obama again, as in 2016?!   And what if there could be a magic wand waved over the nation that could allow Barack Hussein Obama to be re-elected at least four more times?

     Many may disagree with me, claiming that two terms in office is national precedence, not to mention part of the constitution; that two terms is enough for any president, and why should Barack Obama be exempt from experiencing the first two-plus-term presidency since Harry S. Roosevelt?   Look, we all know why we voted for Obama: he was young, cool …and Black.   So, in all honesty, what will it say about this country if we don’t keep that spirit of “ultimate affirmative action” alive and re-elect Barack Obama four more times?   What will that say about America, about us as a people?

   Regardless of how Obama has performed in office, should we not at least grant the first African-American president the benefit of the doubt that maybe he needs “a little extra help,” i.e. time, to complete his plans for America?

   After all, we hire people now based on their race (then are too afraid to fire them based on their race), accept them into colleges based on race, too intimidated to ask for a drivers’ license or other official ID based on race, knowingly disregard them at airport security checkpoints based on race … and heck, even give people casinos based on race.   In effect, America loves treating people differently based on race, one way or another.

     America is a race-based nation, a race-obsessed nation.   Why, never before have there been other nations that have endured racial strife, conflicts and triumphs like the United States. We’re the only nation with a history of racism, in case the rest of you haven’t heard. Hey, if my professors at Columbia University say that’s the case then it must be true.   So in all fairness, as race-sensitive as Americans are today; as we try to compensate for our racist past, should we not let our first African-American president remain president for the next four … eight … twelve … sixteen years? Imagine that: 20 years of Barack Obama! How glorious! How then will America be considered a racist nation?    Answer: It couldn’t be!

   Obviously electing our first “post-racial” president did not do the trick in “post-racialing” America.   Tea Partiers marched and protested, carrying their grotesque signs after Obama’s inauguration, and every criticism of Obama has been at least partially-based on his race (“oh, it’s not this man’s policies and statements we don’t like, it’s this BLACK man’s policies and statements we don’t like,” right?).  

     Is it not evident then that the only way to prove Americans aren’t racists is if we don’t re-elect Obama until 2024, allowing our first Black president to finally leave office in 2029?  

     Without a shred of credulity in my protein-deprived, emaciated, vegan bones, nothing tells me that we could prove ourselves racists no longer more than re-electing President Obama at least four more times.   It only makes sense. We could pass a constitutional amendment forcing Obama to run again in 2016, 2020, and 2024. That’s what’s needed to cure this nation of its racism and compensate for our racist past.

   There’s no way around it, America, you know this is what needs to be done. It has to be!   Otherwise, we’re no better than we were in the days when President George Wallace was standing on the University of Texas bell tower, blocking African-American students from entering. We might as well be back in the Era of Russell Crow in the South, where African-Americans were forced to sit on top of planes and buses in California, and not allowed to drown in public pools in Chicago.  

     The choice is clear, America: either we re-elect Barack Obama not only this year but for the next sixteen, thus shedding our racism once and for all.   Then, and only then, can we say we are no longer racists. This should be the ultimate goal, and the economy, unemployment, healthcare, inflation, foreign policy, personal freedoms, strength and prestige around the world strictly second … or fifth, or something, whatever.

     So I will not only be voting again for Obama this year, but hopefully in 2016, 2020, and 2024, too! That is the only solution –the final solution! So twenty-two years from now, let us proclaim: Final Solution, 2024!   Obama 2024!  Let’s hear it, people!   Who’s with me? FORWARD!
           -Peace & Love Always,
            Flower McMillan,
            Sociology major, Columbia University,
            New York, NY

(Note: This commentary is satire)

About the author: Nick Taxia

Nick Taxia is a former campaign manager and consultant in Washington, D.C. He is the primary writer and producer of the conservative-leaning satirical web site, DuhProgressive.com, as well as a rising radio personality, commentator, and comedian.

View all articles by Nick Taxia

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