Let’s face it. Despite the Obama campaign’s attempts at painting Mitt Romney as an evil businessman, Mitt Romney is a nice guy. If I could slip Mitt a cheat sheet that would turn him into Mean Mitt, this is what it would look like. In reality, most should be in all caps to signify yelling.
(All stated in angry tones) (No smiling!)
Tell me again how you have cut the deficit in half.
Under your leadership the National Debt, what we owe as a nation, has grown more than under every other president in the history of the country combined. Why should we believe that you will do any better if we give you another four years?
You’ve presided over one of the worst economies in the history of the country and rather than accept some responsibility for it, you keep blaming the former administration. By almost every measure things are worse and everyone who lives in the real world knows it. You keep promising that if you have more time and more money to throw at the issue it will get better. You haven’t even as much as run a lemonade stand and certainly don’t know how to get the greatest economy in the world running again. Why should the American people give you any more time to screw things up even worse?
If you get another four years, look at the mess you’re going to inherit!
The economies doing fine? Fine? Tell that to the tens of millions of people without jobs! What a stupid thing to say!
You promised that shutting down Guantanamo would be a top priority and would be done within the first year of your administration. Can you explain to me and the American people why you haven’t accomplished this after nearly four years?
How are we to believe you when you tell us you will do anything?
I can’t understand why you referred to four dead Americans as a “bump in the road.” Can you expound on that statement?
Killing Bin Laden, while laudable, is not a foreign policy nor is appeasing or apologizing to an entire group of people who wish us and our allies dead.
When the Middle East was burning, you were at fundraisers and making your rounds on the talk shows. Can you briefly describe your foreign policy without stating that you killed Bin Laden and it was the Muhammad You Tube video’s fault?
Hard working Americans are now paying around four dollars a gallon for gasoline, twice what it was when you took office. Can you explain your reasoning for your administration’s complete failure when it comes to energy policy in this country? Can you give your explanation without using the words “big oil”?
Why on earth would you rather buy oil from terrorist states than our neighbors in Canada through the Keystone Pipeline?
I just read that another border agent’s death has been linked to the “Fast and Furious” scandal. You exerted executive privilege in the matter. How can you exert executive privilege if you don’t know anything about it?
I may not be cool and spend my time playing golf and basketball, hanging with celebrities or hitting the talk show circuit, but I’ll work my rear end off as your president and get this country working again. Yes, I did build that and I will do it again.
The Supreme Court agreed that penalties requiring individuals to purchase health insurance are indeed a tax. Were you lying to the American people when you told them it wasn’t a tax?
Any response should be followed by:
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
The press made a big deal out of me talking about America becoming an entitlement state where I suggested that 47% of the population receives a government check. Obviously, I’m not belittling those folks on Social Security who worked for it or those receiving a military pension as victims or anyone else who earned it for that matter.
The fact remains that the largest number of food stamp and welfare recipients have occurred under the leadership of this president and I think that it is high time some folks get out of the wagon and help the rest of us pull. I don’t expect those of you disagreeing with that statement will vote for me and I will not apologize for wanting to create an environment where everyone can succeed and they are not punished if they do. This is America, for crying out loud!
My mother told me that if I took something that doesn’t belong to me that it was stealing. It’s still stealing if the government does it.
Yes, I am a Mormon and I have deeply held religious values. Many of you in the audience may know little or nothing about my faith. I can assure of two things. First, I will serve as a man of character and you can hold me to the highest of moral and ethical standards as my record will attest. Second, I would bet my bank account (wink at Obama and state that it is quite large) that I have never sat in a church where the pastor could be quoted as saying, “God damn America.”
General Comebacks and Interjections:
Did you learn that on the golf course?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did build that!
When referring to Obama’s disasters: Yes, you did build that!
When did you make that decision? On The View or did Beyonce help you with that one?
How’s that Solyndra thing working out for you?
The only green energy that would be sustainable is harnessing the hot air coming from this man’s mouth!
Instead of hanging out with Marxists during college, you should have gone to class, you might have learned something!
The Catch All:
I’m rubber, you’re glue, anything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
Image; Flickr: Newt Gingrich – megaNewt Caricature; DonkeyHotey; Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.