End of World Could Tarnish Barack Obama’s Legacy

The Following is Satire:

Obama: “Having the World End Would Put Such a Damper On My Presidency” 

Obama_on_Apocalypse_MAIN_HEADERMy Fellow Americans,

As most of you know there is a particular date approaching that is causing many of us some concern. It is not only troubling Americans, but millions around the world as well.

Several ancient cultures, most notably the Mayans of what is now Mexico’s Yucatán Peninsula, have predicted that on December 21st the world will end. Personally, I am rather unsure about such predictions.

However, rest assured, if the end of the world does come, or begins to occur on December 21, I, your Commander-In-Chief, will be most regretful and disconcerted over it. After all, how will the end of humanity look if it occurs during my presidency?

That’s right, America. Unlike the rest of the world’s seven billion citizens, I have been given considerable angst at the prospect of a nuclear holocaust, or a global polar shift, or a human-extinguishing pandemic, or giant asteroid, or whatever else it may be that wipes out humanity on December 21st. Because, let’s face it, having the world end will look anything but positive for my presidency. It certainly is not optimal.

As the world approaches its possible extermination in less than two weeks, I cannot help to think about how the end of all life on Earth may impact my legacy. After all, who wants to go down as the president who reigned during the end of the world? Good grief, how embarrassing, you know?! Who wants to be the American president that presided over the annihilation of humanity? It could totally ruin me! I mean, geez, really, talk about having egg on your face… How humiliating!

The Egyptians, the Hopi Indians, Nostradamus, the Mayans, Hindus, along with other ancient cultures and mystics have all said that at least something “catastrophically life changing” will occur on December 21st. Will we wake up on December 21st with the Earth’s magnetic polar caps shifting, throwing the entire planet into a month-long, cataclysmic earthquake that will leave every building on Earth leveled, billions dead? Or will a comet impact the planet, igniting the atmosphere and engulfing us into an inferno the likes of which will rival Dante’s?

Or will there be someone on December 21st who gets sick and dies … but not before causing those around him to get sick and die, too. Then their whole town will get sick and die, then their closest city, then their country, then the continent, and then the entire world! Yes, every human on Earth could get some hideous plague and die, and nothing and no one in the universe will ever know there had even been a Planet Earth, or human beings; everything that has ever happened on this twirling rock will be gone, meaningless, all for naught; may as well never occurred at all!

And I, moi, will be the U.S. president in office when all this goes down, huh? Ahh man, just my damn luck! This whole world-ending-thing will cast such a shadow over my presidency. Nothing that I strived for and accomplished will be remembered – only some crappy-ass “humanity-wiped-off-face-of-the-Earth” event. It’s just not fair! 

And if there is some afterlife or Heaven-place we all meet up in again, everyone who was alive on December 20th will be like, “Oh, look, there’s Obama, the guy who was the American president when the world ended. Eeew, what a’ loser! What a’ dork!” … I won’t be invited to any parties. I won’t have any friends. Michelle and the girls will think I’m a failure as husband and father. Bo might even bite me when I try to pet him (dogs are very intuitive; they know when their owners have been the president of the mightiest nation on Earth during the Mayan apocalypse or not).

Dear God, Allah, Vishnu, Zeus, Almighty Rock Mother (whatever you are up there), I humbly, officially and publicly beg of you: If the end of the world is to come sometime, please let it not be while I’m president, okay? Otherwise I will be so embarrassed.

Life-ending catastrophes have happened to Earth before, and will no doubt happen again. But if possible, Lord, please let seven billion people and who-knows how many species of plants and animals die after I am president. If not, I don’t know how I’ll be able to ever show my face in public again.

It’ll be worse than when I slid on the soccer field after lunch in second grade and let a big dooky slip out into my corduroys … I went home early that day, crying, holding my backpack around my butt so no one could see – but they all knew; they could smell it. All my classmates laughed at me. Mom came and picked me and I feigned sickness for two weeks because I was too embarrassed to go back to school. 

So on December 21st, God, please don’t let me be that seven year old boy trying in vain to hide the enormous dooker in his corduroys. Please! I don’t want to ascend to the afterlife with that poopy-pants/gee-I-was-the-guy-in-the-White-House-when-the-world-ended feeling. It’d be just too distressing. If so, Lord, you’ll make my Christmas, and I’ll owe you one, big-time … Whatever that “one” may be, I do not know, but I’m sure I’ll find someone else to pay for it. Thank you!  –

Sincerely,

Barack Obama, President of the United States of America

The Preceding is Satire:

About the author: Nick Taxia

Nick Taxia is a former campaign manager and consultant in Washington, D.C. He is the primary writer and producer of the conservative-leaning satirical web site, DuhProgressive.com, as well as a rising radio personality, commentator, and comedian. Catch Nick on the West Coast’s One America News Network on Friday’s “The Daily Ledger,” at 5:00 & 8:00 PM, PST, and 8:00 & 11:00 PM via live stream for at oneamericanews.com.

View all articles by Nick Taxia
  • dblduh

    Obama’s presidential legacy was my first concern on a possible world-ending event!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Eagleslove William Dedee

    I see the “dooky” as being his political accomplishment as the “alleged” President, and his hiding it from the world view, as his promise of being “transparent.”

  • marineh2ominer

    The end of the world is probably the only thing that could SAVE us from Obamass legacy .

  • Richrd Hogue

    The Ican predictions of the end of the world on December 21 pertains to non-christian religions and populations. The Bible (Chrisian-Jewish Scriptures) tell us that only God (Yahweh) knows when the world will end. We have just recently (year or so) been reminded about the idiocy of trying to read God”s mind and predict when Christ will return for his believers.
    The Myan calendar wimply ot grew the physical size of its calendar. They probably just reset the device and start keeping time with the Gregorian calendar, and we can go back to drinking our tea and eating our crumpets.
    But the world will end, as promised in the Bible, and the devil will take the hindmost. A reminder: God will not be indefinitely mocked, and a day of judgement will come.
    Have a safe journey.

    • babygirl825

      that is what I thought, too, when I heard about it….that the end of the Mayan calendar was just the beginning of another phase of it.

  • doug63

    POOR BARACKNESSMONSTER!!!! He will probably be the cause of the world ending. Who’s going to care? allah? He better hurry up if he’s going to write another stupid book. Let’s see, title? How I screwed the greatest country on earth in 4 short years. I don’t think he will have to worry about meeting anyone in heaven (or whatever the muslims call it) He will definitely be in the fire and brimstone place. Christians call it HELL. He can be the king of HELL.

  • RB

    What Legacy would that be?

  • slickzip

    YEP !!! thats just thye way ODUMBA feels everything is about HIM !!!!!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G75RVM5S3L2G2BHBHGAXG6X5PI Jim

    Actually the anti-christ has one over-riding job to do, his purpose for being, his cause celebre. That job is to end the world, taking as many people with him as he can. Satan will do anything to help him do that job. Obama’s legacy is to help that to happen, as soon as possible. Fortunately God will not allow that to happen completely, but 1/3 of the world’s population will be destroyed, by disease, famine, or nuclear attacks. Not a pretty thought, but it will be a warning to the people who are still here, that the end is near.

  • Dean

    Did OBAMA ACTUALLY MAKE THAT STATEMENT POSTED BY HIS PICTURE? IDIOT!!!!

  • bob machaffy

    Yes and it would end his evil scheme to destroy God’s handiwork

  • WilliamSpires

    On their way to the pits of hell, Obama supporters would still be screaming, now see what the Republicans have done”,

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