The following column is satire.
by Michael Madshack, DP Assistant Editor
Friday, July 5th, 2013
(WASHINGTON) — A “hot mic” has apparently picked up some very unflattering words from President Obama this Fourth of July, and may plunge him deeper into some very hot water.
“Hot” or “open mics” frequently catch public figures unknowingly expressing their true feelings, usually with colorful language (prime example: in 2000, then presidential candidate George W. Bush was caught complaining to vice-presidential candidate Dick Cheney that a reporter covering their campaign was a “major league a–hole”). However Obama’s “slip” while exiting a the balcony of the White House after his Independence Day address may well exceed the average “hot mic faux pas.”
The small microphone, which was clipped inches below Obama’s shirt collar was supposed to have been turned off immediately after his closing remarks to guests and reporters in front of the White House. But the microphone remained “hot,” catching the President muttering, “Man, this holiday sucks! All this national pride (expletive) get’s on my nerves.”
Obama’s candid comments are sure to further drag down his approval ratings, as recent scandals involving the IRS, the Benghazi terrorist attacks, and massive NSA snooping have sunk Obama’s approval numbers below that of former president George W. Bush. It took Obama thirty seconds before he completely exited the White House balcony and removed his microphone, during which it picked up more utterances by the Commander-in-Chief, none of which pundits view will help his ratings any time soon.
“You’d think we’d stop celebrating the birth of the worst imperial power in history – but nooooo …we have to do this flag-waving bull**** every year,” Obama muttered more as he made his way from the podium. “I can’t believe I have to miss a good day of golf for this crap!”
Although Obama’s presumably inaudible words were not heard nearly as loudly as his official Independence Day speech, a few reporters and attendees close to the speakers beneath the White House balcony heard him distinctly. Obama tacked on a couple more self-pitying quips before removing his clip-on mic, “Could have been at Oakmont with Jay-Z now trying out that new Callaway set Alec (Baldwin) gave me last year …! Damn, this day sucks!”
Reporters, Americans React to Obama’s “Hot Mic” Faux Pas
“This was definitely the worst ‘hot mic’ incident I’ve ever heard,” said reporter Dave Boyer of the Washington Times. “I’ve heard a lot of politicians say candid things when they’ve thought no one was listening, but this takes the cake. (Obama’s) comments were very insulting and shocking.”
David Cornhole of the far-Left Mother Jones magazine was even closer to Obama and concurs with Boyer’s accounts … as well as with President Obama.
“Now this is the Obama we should really be hearing each Independence Day, not a president feeding us all the usual ‘USA-rah-rah-rah’ b.s.!” said a gleaming Cornhole after Obama’s speech and accompanying overheard complaints. “Every year we have to hear about how great our country is and what a blessing that it was founded, and what a great bunch of guys the Founding Fathers were, instead of the racist, sexist, homophobic religious zealots they really were and what a dismal, hypocritical cesspool of exploitative capitalism this country of toothless imbeciles really is.”
Added Mother Jones’ Cornhole, “I mean, sure, America has saved the world from tyranny and Fascist annihilation on a few occasions, and gives money once and a while to save poor brown kids around the world. But can all of that humanitarian crap outweigh our sins — denial of gay rights alone?”
Other journalists are looking at Obama’s publicly unintended comments a little more objectively, trying to “read more” into to what the President “really meant” as he walked away from the podium Thursday. Explaining what she thought of Obama’s open mic remarks after his balcony speech, CNN’s Jessica Yellin said, “Comments? What comments?”