By Neisha Potter
Clash Daily Guest Contributor
Divorce is an infamous epidemic in our country. We file for divorce without blinking an eye and revert to one of the oldest sins in the history of mankind; blame shifting. In Genesis, this sin begins to unfold in verse 12 when the Lord God asks Adam why he ate fruit from the forbidden tree.
Now, Adam knew that he was forbidden to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil because the Lord advised him in Genesis2:17, but Adam blamed God as well as his wife, Eve. Adam said, “The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it.” When the Lord asked Eve what she had done, she blamed the serpent. She said, “The serpent deceived me and I ate.” Neither Adam nor Eve took responsibility for their personal decision to consume the fruit! We do the same thing in our marriage.
When marriage falls apart people rarely assume responsibilities for such failure, instead, the blame is shifted to her being a nag, his rage, her unwillingness to embrace his sexual fantasies, her extra weight or his inattentiveness. By the way, men and women, a bad sex life has nothing to do with what is going on in the bedroom, but events that are befalling outside of the bedroom.
These behaviors are all symptoms of the problem, not the derivation of the deteriorating institution. As a whole, humanity has lost their warrior spirit; to be hunters, gatherers, providers, nurturers, and lovers. Before crucifying your spouse for their personal failures you must perform a personal assessment about how you contribute to your failing marriage and trust me, you’re contributing!
Stories of divorce are often one-sided because of dearth objectivity. The wife criticizes the husband for stonewalling and the husband accuses his dispensation on his wife’s continuous “duty” to complain. The wife complains because he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, an empty milk jug in the refrigerator, comes home late from work and has long forgotten how to carry on a conversation with his wife.
Resentment for one another has masked the root of the problem while stubbornness causes the couple to ignore the match that started the fire in the first place. Obstinacy in both individuals generate a conflict paradigm in which neither will be told what to do, how to feel, or embrace a peaceful surrender in order to save their marriage.
Humanity used to be unwavering in defeat . . . fighting with the heart of lions! We never surrendered to the darkness of this world because we loved our God, remained steadfast to our word, took pride in keeping our word, and cherished holy matrimony. The greatest commandment is to love one another; two people with a heart for God could conquer all things and after every battle that covenant becomes more and more unbreakable.
Today, integrity is absent in marriage, we lack boundaries as a society and challenge basic moral principles as if defying these values characterizes victory. We surrender to darkness by refusing to resolve our differences and shun a glorious life which is found in the light.
Marriage is for the strong at heart, it is hard work – no one said it would be easy. It takes initiative and a willingness to negotiate about life. How extraordinary would marriage be if we never gave up on one another? What kind of message would we send to our children if we truly loved one another as we are meant to love?
We would engender an indestructible covenant where we lifted each other up in adoration. We would teach our children the value of a promise and to see things through until completion. We would exemplify the power of devotion and its incredible rewards. Moreover, we could experience passion to the degree in which the Lord has granted us the capacity to love within our sacred communion . . . and the two shall become one (Mark 10:8).
Neisha Potter is a married mom of three. Potter graduated from Dallas Baptist University with a BAS in Christian Ministry and Psychology.