I was on the range the other day teaching a class. About half my students are women these days. Ten years ago it wasn’t like that: I was lucky to get one female in a group of twenty. So I was watching this lady shoot, and noticed her bullet group was pretty tight, but about a foot and a half low on the silhouette.
I watched her shoot for a while, and couldn’t find any problems with her form, breathing control, trigger control, or any of the other basics. Finally, I said to her, “Do you always shoot so low?” She quickly responded, “Only when I’m going through a divorce.”
“Ouch!” I commented on her nice bullet group and quietly backed away without pissing her off.
That prompted me to rethink the wisdom of arming angry women who’ve been abused by men. Is it really a good idea to mix hormones and gun powder? We don’t mix guns and alcohol, or guns and drugs, but hormones are kind of like a drug aren’t they? I don’t know. I’m still thinking about that one.
I recall a few years back my wife kept begging me to buy her a Taurus Judge. (That’s a five shot revolver chambered for .410 shotgun shells or 45 caliber long colts.) But I kept balking at the idea. I just thought it might be too much gun for her. But my Sara is a persistent and persuasive woman, so she never let up. Finally, after almost a year, I asked her, “Honey, why in the world do you want to carry such a big gun?” Just like the groin-shooting divorcee on the range, she responded without missing a beat. “Because if I have to shoot somebody, I want to see body parts flying off!”
“Ouch again!” I immediately ran out and purchased Sara a Taurus Judge. As a husband and personal defense instructor, that just seemed like sage advice to me. Anyone worth shooting is worth shooting right, and you best not leave any witnesses to dispute your story. I have to admit, my wife gained a greater measure of respect (and fear) from me on that day. I was reminded of the time back in 1993 when Lorena Bobbitt severed her husband’s
“special” member with a knife. I decided to sleep on my stomach for a while.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, dearly, and she’s a pretty good shot. We make a good husband and wife self-defense team. We have an agreement: in case of a gun fight, I’ll draw their fire, then she can use my dead body for cover while dispatching the bad guys.
Perhaps I should rethink that one too.
The other day I came home from work, and Sara was crying. Being the kind, warm and sensitive man that I am, I asked, “Honey, what’s wrong?” She said innocently through uncontrolled tears,
“I don’t know.”
Like most men I was confused. So I just held her and cogitated on it for a while. Finally, a light bulb went off in my head. (Not a Greensaver bulb, but one of those old, politically incorrect ones that are supposed to use more energy.) I looked at the calendar, and said, “Oh, I know what’s wrong.” It was that time again. At least it’s predictable.
And then I got to thinking again about gun powder and hormones. Is it really any worse for women than for men? I mean, really. Men are just big bags of skin filled with testosterone, which, last time I checked, is a very powerful, mood-altering hormone. It makes men feel mean, grumpy and aggressive. Hell, it’ll even make hair grow on your eyeballs if you get too much of it.
So I don’t really think we should worry too much about mixing estrogen and gun powder. After all, think about it. Most violent crimes aren’t committed by estrogen-filled women, but by testosterone-crazed men. Women are less likely to rape, pillage and plunder than their male counterparts. In fact, they are more in need of a firearm than we are, simply because they are more often the victim of violent crime than the perpetrator.
So, now that I’ve thought it all out, I’ve decided to teach groin shooting as a reliable and effective means of stopping the threat. After all, there’s a lot of good stuff down there: femoral arteries, pelvic bones, along with other delicate “soft-tissue” targets of opportunity.
Yes, I think estrogen on the range is just fine. And maybe it’s time I taught a class in groin shooting.
Image: Courtesy of: http://www.thepiratescove.us/2009/12/09/ wednesday-random-20-images-2/