Bill and Hillary Heading for the Poor House

For some reason I am never satisfied with any likeness I try with these people. 

So I tried a different approach. I just distorted them both a little. They are still barely recognizable, but that’s OK.

My visual distortion is reflective of the interior distortions of their souls. Although Bill is always a likable guy around people (apparently), Hillary is not. Someone recently said she is the sort of person who delights in walking up to you smiling and then lowering the boom. “There is  no eating allowed in the Library” while you are munching some chocolate chip cookies you just purchased in the book store. 

That’s sort of what happened to me once in law school…in the library. I was sitting in the far corner of the library…with a pal…bothering no one…laughing ourselves silly over idiotic stuff…when out of nowhere materialized some Amazon-like dame who informed us she did not “appreciate our loud and careless” behavior. She was weird. Over six foot tall and strange. She was a year behind my pal and me, so it was difficult not to adopt an impromptu condescending and dismissive attitude and say something unkind. However, neither of us said anything. (I was a little taken aback.) My friend said a few choice expletives as she walked away (which she did not hear), which only made me laugh more. While applying to law school, an attorney told me law school was like being in high school again. I didn’t believe him, but he was right. There was a small group of people in each class. There were only a few hundred students altogether. You got to know everyone. And everything was sooooo serious. Deadly somber. You needed a laugh. It was stifling.

In fact it was just like a courtroom. Usually stifling. Almost every time I do a cartoon or portrait in the courtroom for a clerk or bailiff, they laugh. They are starved for lightness, humor, shenanigans. My quickie courtroom drawings can be really schlocky, lowbrow and poorly drawn, but they still almost always get laughs. (Laughing is really healthful, as science now tells us.  Who  knew?)  People need laughter…so as soon as the Amazon was out of sight (I remember she walked quietly like those Martians in the movie “Mars Attacks” and had a personality to match… ) my crony and I resumed the jokes. On the whole it was a great study session.  Better than most.

Hillary is just like the Amazon/Martian library-enforcer.  Bill may be a complete reptile, but he has a personality that is conducive to jokes. When late night television hosts began mocking his presidency I thought he was done. Far from it. He took the punches and laughed along. His rotten persona became an open and visible part of who he was. The Nation just accepted him. Warts and all. Hillary is different. She is the soul of seriousness. And she is condescending to a degree seldom seen apart from those democrats who end up, somehow, on Congressional committees grilling tobacco industry schlubs.

Her condescension is only matched by her disingenuousness. And her whoppers. If she is to be the Democrats’ presidential candidate, let’s get smart. If we’ve learned anything from Obama’s presidency it is that novelty is not always good. If we’re going to elect her solely because we’ve never had a woman in the Oval Office, let’s elect someone who knows something. Who is honest. Who can admit colossal foul-ups. Who will fire miscreants who hide veterans on mysterious hidden lists. My mom would be a great choice, but she fled this earthly jurisdiction ten years ago. 

Maybe the Martian/Amazon is available. She was creepy, but I have no information of her being dishonest. Or money-grubbing. and she would slay ’em at the United Nations with her death like demeanor. Like when James Arnes entered stage left during that Twilight Zone episode with a cabbage on his head. 

Failing electing a good woman I suggest a cartoonist. By the time Obama is out, the Nation will be in serious need of some laughs.  That way …(if elected) my law school time will finally prove beneficial. I was practicing in that library for bigger things.

Steve Bowers

About the author, Steve Bowers: Steve Bowers grew up on a farm in Indiana, attended Indiana University and went into the construction business. While working on a construction project at a law school he was appalled at how lawyers could screw stuff up on a simple building project. Thinking he could do better, Steve went to law school. He’s pretty naive. View all articles by Steve Bowers

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