JOHN KERRY’S IRAN NEGOTIATIONS: You Dropped a Bomb on Me

It was so much easier when Secretary of Personality John Kerry was driving nails into the coffins containing the careers of has-beens via bizarre sing-alongs in Paris. Kerry had to budge eventually — a remarkable feat given his tendency to emulate granite — and do things Secretaries of State do. A shame he didn’t buy himself a lavish spread just outside the Big Apple, build his own email server, and then wipe it just as soon as a subpoena was issued…but anyway.

So while Obama went to incredible lengths to show the world he’d learned something — that something being YouTubing juvenile selfie video clips the way middle school aged kids do — the Secretary of Personality got turnt up. (Sorry for crashing your spring break expose Sean Hannity but yes, John Kerry got turnt up).

After going into overtime, and dozens of photo ops featuring that guy with the long white hair and oddly satisfied smirk sitting to Kerry’s right, what was accomplished when he got turnt up? Iran won.

Iran got more time. On top of the time Kerry’s already given them. Time is what they needed most. A peaceful civilian nuke program to power lap tops and toasters doesn’t need time. The technology for that is well established. Militarized nuclear programs that place weapons grade material on delivery systems complete with fire control and detonation technologies require time.

Moreover, negotiating in the Middle East isn’t like bickering over the sticker price for a used Corolla. It’s an art form. (This writer once negotiated the price of a clothing item for nearly two hours in Dubai). And when it ventures into the territory of radicalized Islam versus everybody else, the radicals believe it acceptable to adopt a “by any means necessary” position to defeat one’s adversary.

We are Iran’s adversary. The Ayatollah made that clear recently when he told a crowd in Mashhad “of course death to America”. Is it not possible then that Iran is stringing us along, nodding yes here and there, all leading up to their emergence on the world stage as a nuclear power?

The Secretary of Personality would say no. Wasted away again in Lausanne, Switzerland with a woman to blame for wiping her server clean, Kerry has room to give Iran a pass. The Iranians agree with him. A year and a half and he’s done. Off to con a college somewhere to either hire him or name something after him.

In the meantime Iran is already distancing itself from whatever was negotiated.

Maybe the Secretary of Personality needs to strike his standard awkward pose somewhere while The Gap Band performs “You dropped a bomb on me…baby”.

Image: http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_SBD_Dauntless