THE THREE STOOGES ARE IN: Hillary, Bernie, Martin

It’s official. Hillary, Bernie, and Martin are all in for 2016! Which one is Larry, Curly, or Moe I’ll leave to the brain trust also known as The View. Whether one of them is Shemp or another lesser known stooge is a question the New York Times can explore.

It is fair to call them three stooges. Their antics aren’t too far removed from the comedic routines of the original three stooges.

There’s Hillary who, if she had a penis, would have been drummed off the ticket already. Scandals follow her the way flies follow manure. Not a surprise. A Clinton without a scandal is a scientific impossibility, like a fire without heat or water that isn’t wet. What is surprising is her sheer ignorance in dealing with her scandals. Her plethora of excuses regarding her illegal use of a private email server were so very 1990s — as if average Americans aren’t smart enough to realize she could have accessed more than one email account using a single device. The staged events designed to look like authentic meet and greets when the Potemkin quality is glaringly obvious. And the awkward and brief Scooby van episode which was somehow supposed to generate excitement in the “Hillary where are you” vein.

Since Hillary is such a rabid right-winger, the far left has Bernie in the race. He is a socialist. Not the way Barack Obama’s a socialist. With Obama, to find the socialism you have to examine his policies, agenda, writings, and statements to get at the truth. With Bernie, he simply says, “I’m a socialist”.

Which is kind of like advocating for prohibition. Socialism, like prohibition, is an antiquated idea about a century old with multiple examples of failure available for all to see. Bernie doesn’t stop there though. He’s the author of an article so sexually graphic it’s disturbing. In the early 1970s he wrote that men wished to sexually abuse women while women fantasized about being victims of gang rape. For a party that prides itself on being simultaneously sexually liberated and worried about “rape culture”, Bernie fits right in.

Then there’s Martin. Baltimore Martin. A review of nearly every social and economic statistic for his time as mayor reveals failure. Martin is the guy that implemented more aggressive policing in Baltimore — the same policing we’re told caused the Freddie Gray riots. He likes to tax people too. One of his signature achievements as Maryland Governor was the “rain tax”. Under his watch Maryland became the only state to actually tax property owners for the amount of rain accumulated on their property — the state actually devised a scheme to assess the ability of one’s soil to retain water and such. A progressive agenda requires lots of money. The rain tax is often cited as the reason deep blue Maryland voted bright red in 2014. (In 2015 Maryland Republicans got rid of the rain tax).

With these three running, I’d just as soon vote Larry, Curly, or Moe.

Image: http://www.slapstickcomedies.com/three_stooges/

About the author: Andrew Allen

Andrew Allen

Andrew Allen (@aandrewallen) grew up in the American southeast and for more than two decades has worked as an information technoloigies professional in various locations around the globe. A former far-left activist, Allen became a conservative in the late 1990s following a lengthy period spent questioning his own worldview. When not working IT-related issues or traveling, Andrew Allen spends his time discovering new ways to bring the pain by exposing the idiocy of liberals and their ideology.

View all articles by Andrew Allen

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