In the event that there are more ‘Bryce Williams’ or ‘Vester Lee Flanagans’ out there who are ready to snap because the world won’t recognize them as God’s gift to humanity, and yet, you’re not completely sold on the murder/suicide option: herewith are six surefire points to move you back to reality and officially assimilate you out of Pussville and into the rarified air of a combobulated human.
1. Drop the “poor you” crap, especially, if you live in America. FYI, employers don’t want some screecher who whines about going over molehills in the Garden of Eden. Play the man if you truly wish to draw the attention of a company that’s worth its salt. And definitely don’t do videos, tweets or Facebook posts where you bray to the masses that you’re an unhinged, pitiful ass.
2. Get a vision. Visionaries who want to slay a dragon, save a nation and right a wrong are attractive. Solipsistic me-monkeys are repugnant to people of note. God didn’t call you to be a navel gazer. Go out into the desert and get aligned with your eternal purpose – and if for some reason your antenna isn’t picking up on God’s higher calling for you, there’s plenty of things currently bigger than your dipstick life to get involved with that’ll help God and country. Get lost in them and, even if you look like Napoleon Dynamite, your passion will make you magnetic.
3. If you really want a great job, then don’t be a dick to everyone you come in contact with. Duh.
4. Instead of pining like a charter member of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely-Hearts Club Band, use that time to read books and start with the Classics. After you plow through the Classics read the awesome tome titled, ‘How Not To Be A Pathetic & Murderous Punk.’ Leaders are readers. Amen.
5. Spend time with God. Get your identity from Him, not culture, and certainly not from some slick-haired grievance monger like Al Sharpton.
6. Embrace rejection and pain. That stuff Vester squealed about in his ‘manifesto’ is an homage to the entitlement, ‘poor little me’ industry. Rejection and pain is the way of life, hombre. That’s why God created beer.
Look, getting rebuffed by employers is the standard for young dorks. It’s the way of the jungle, Dinky. Get used to it and get busy bettering yourself and the planet … and do us all a favor and shut the %@&# up.
