It’s hard to believe today, but there was a time when most people accepted the quaint notion of “polite society”, members of which were supposed to adhere to minimum standards of good manners and behavior. Failure to do so could result in a person’s being shunned, not “received in good homes”, and otherwise relegated to hanging out in dark alleys with his fellow scoundrels, no-goodniks and miscreants. Respectable people wanted nothing to do with these vulgarians.
“Respectable?” To many today, the very idea sounds like something from the era of fainting couches and the minuet. Playboy magazine has decided that to differentiate itself, it will cease publishing photos of naked women. What’s the point when the sewer that is our popular culture encourages women to dress like hookers, and nudity is available on any screen 24/7?
While some may lament the death of polite society, for Bill and Hillary Clinton, it is cause for celebration. How else could people with their jaw-dropping history of lying, money grubbing and sexual misconduct be not only not exiled to the fringes of society, but actually celebrated as outstanding individuals worthy of our trust and respect? In any rational universe, Hillary Clinton would not be the 2016 presidential front runner of a major American political party. She would be trying to figure out how to negotiate a decent plea bargain. Bill Clinton would not be collecting hundreds of thousands of dollars for speeches and holding court on panels, sharing his wisdom about world affairs. He would have slinked off into well-deserved poverty and obscurity. No more.
Bill Clinton’s impeachment, the result of his lying under oath after an unbelievably embarrassing and disgusting sexual liaison with a young woman barely older than his own daughter, was the culmination of years of extra-marital escapades, including a credible accusation of forcible rape. His wife not only forgave him. She enabled his behavior, and made it her personal mission to see that the women accusing her husband were destroyed, characterized as “nuts and sluts”. Just last month, this same woman, now running for president, stated that “any woman who reports an assault should be heard and believed.”
So just how do they get away with it? How do they pull it off? Could you, Reprobate Reader, do the same thing? Here are some tips to go full Clinton, rehabilitate your pathetic reputation, and maybe even become rich and powerful.
Say that whatever you’re accused of happened a long time ago.
Just because you never explained it clearly, or were held the least bit accountable doesn’t change that. The passage of time is your friend!
Demonize your accuser.
Recall James Carville’s famous comment about Paula Jones: “Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you’ll find.” In a more recent example, involving Benghazi, State Department officials accused Victoria Toensing, a Washington uber-lawyer with an impeccable reputation, who represented whistleblower Greg Hicks of lying.
Explain that the people pointing out all the things that you have done wrong have ulterior motives.
Republican dunderhead Rep. Kevin McCarthy played right into Hillary’s hands by suggesting that the Benghazi investigation is all about politics, providing cover and a talking point to use against any further inquiry.
Lie, stonewall and cover-up if you have to.
Destroying evidence, like those pesky emails, is a lot easier if you take the unprecedented step of having your own email server. Stonewalling makes it a lot easier to say that whatever you are accused of happened a long time ago (see Tip 1).
Most important of all, make sure that you have a great PR team. In the case of the Clintons, this PR team also sometimes goes by the collective name “journalists.” Hillary Clinton stood on a debate stage in Las Vegas on October 13, 2015. Did anyone ask her about the stunning inconsistency between her sanctimonious statement that sexual assault victims must be believed and her personal efforts to ruin her husband’s accusers? Did anyone mention that we recently learned a message transmitted on her private email server outed a CIA human asset? Did anyone mention how absurd it was for her to screech, “At this point what difference does it make?” about the murder of four Americans that occurred on her watch? Of course not.
As a concession to the shortness of human life, I shall refrain from listing any of the other serious questions that she might have faced, but you get the idea. If you are a congenital liar with more skeletons in your closet than in the Egyptian pyramids, make sure you have a great bunch of propagandists to keep things under wraps.
Use these simple tips, and you too can be a modern day super star!
Politics, Pop Culture, the Hottest Issues of the Day, the flagship show of the Informed America Radio network, The Teri O’Brien Show, featuring America’s Original Conservative Warrior Princess, Live and in vivid red, white and blue, Sundays 5-7 pm Eastern time (4-6 pm Central) at teriobrien.com and http://www.spreaker.com/show/the-teri-obrien-show, and anytime on demand on iHeart Radio, Stitcher Radio, and iTunes.