BACON OR DEMOCRATS: Which One Is Actually More Unhealthy for You?

by Ian Bayne
Clash Daily Contributor

A new study has found, surprisingly, that something that everyone loves is bad for you. Bacon.
 
Surprised as I am?
 
The World Health Organization said back in October that pork, veal, and lamb are “probably” bad for you.
 
These 22 scientists have decided that bacon is now “in the same category” as cigarettes and asbestos, but, as NPR clarifies, not as dangerous — yet.
 
Not as dangerous until government has sapped every existing dollar they can out of cigarettes, then cigars and liquor, soft drinks (especially Coke because Pepsi is too gay friendly to go after), mortgage bankers, McDonald’s franchisees, then probably Uber drivers. In that order.
 
Then, after doctors have all gone broke treating patients on government salaries, I’m sure that bacon will be as dangerous as cigarettes and asbestos.
 
For now, the report says that for each 1.8 ounces of processed meat consumed daily, the risk of cancer goes up 18 percent.
 
The WHO just set the stage. They gave the evidence. They reported their conclusions.
 
But there’s another “just as dangerous” entity out there that has been responsible for human misery, death, loss of wages, loss of healthcare, and increased racial tensions.
 
The empirical data for the past 3 years alone is crushing.
 
I’m talking about Democrats.
 
Each Democrat elected to office increases the chance that a family will be living in poverty. The data cannot be ignored.
 
With state governments running out of money due to the crushing effects of the economic recovery we’ve been experiencing, there’s a Democrat in each city in America begging for dangerous bridges to be fixed, schools to be built, and roads to be repaved.
 
It’s likely that Democrats will oppose a classification of their party as unhealthy, and a tax placed on their existence, so how about a compromise? Democrats love compromise.
 
Democrats all over America are opposing “big money” campaigns while simultaneously warning that death is right around the corner every time a road goes unpaved due to lack of “revenue” to government.
 
So here’s my idea: tax campaign accounts of elected officials who are convinced that we’re in desperate need of new roads and bridges.
 
Certainly a Democrat running for U.S. Senate in four years can give up a few hundred thousand dollars to ensure a child doesn’t drive off of an unsafe bridge?
 
I’m sure they aren’t filled with greed like those evil bankers.
 
The money in campaign accounts of safe Democrats is astounding: millions of dollars for each high level Democrat holding public office. Pool all that money together and fix a few bridges. Pave a few roads.
 
Get the ball rolling in your state by announcing, whenever a Democrat asks the question: isn’t a little bit of extra tax worth saving a life?
 
Just respond by asking they match that tax with a tax on their campaign account. Don’t forget to record their answer and send it in to me.

Image: https://www.flickr.com/photos/repgeorgemiller/4457264345/

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