ANOTHER CRUZ CLASSIC: How A GOP Amnesty Lover Lied Before Christmas

If you missed Ted Cruz’s commercial about his imaginary new book Cruz Christmas Classics, you really need to watch it. It ran last weekend during  Saturday Night Live.

The commercial practically serves as a symbol of Ted Cruz’s amendment to the Gang of Eight’s amnesty bill. Both the commercial and Cruz’s amendment are obvious parodies. They use Cruz’s sense of humor to ridicule the shameless hypocrisy of Cruz’s political adversaries. However, with Cruz’s amendment, the humor was caustic — not jovial like the jokes in the commercial.

I was so inspired by Cruz’s imaginary book that I decided I’d try to write my own Christmas classic — one that gets right to the point of Marco Rubio’s shameless assertion that Cruz supported legal status for illegal aliens.

I titled my story, How the Grinch Named Marco Lied Before Christmas:

Every conservative in America likes Ted Cruz a lot… 

But the Grinch named Marco apparently DOES NOT!

Christmas is here. It’s time to be Merry.

But believing the Grinch is both foolish and scary! 

Standing in Vegas, Marco sold out again.  

He stood on the stage with a dubious grin.

He thought to himself as he piddled his notes,

“These voters are naive and some are just dopes!”

“I fooled them once; I can fool them again!”

“Lying about Ted Cruz might deliver a win.”

Never forget the Grinch’s inclination to lie.  

Remember when he swore to be a Tea Party guy?

Sure Marco claimed to oppose amnesty once. 

But John McCain and Chuck Schumer must have called him a DUNCE.

So amnesty he supported — in fact still he does.  

That’s not Ted Cruz’s record, but the Grinch wishes it was.

His betrayal on amnesty tarnished Marco’s good reputation.

Now, he’s lying about Ted Cruz in pure desperation.  

Cruz – for Amnesty? The Grinch’s charge is Untrue!

Cruz authored an amendment that was a satirical ruse. 

Cruz mocked the Grinch; he ridiculed the Gang of Eight.

Cruz struggled not to laugh at his sharp amendment’s doomed fate. 

Even Rush Limbaugh and Jeff Sessions agree. 

As if they weren’t enough, so does Mike Lee

Mark Levin too noted Marco’s Alinsky-like game.

The Grinch’s lies are more Republican shame.  

Loyalty and trust are not qualities the Grinch can tout. 

Unfortunately Marco behaves like an establishment lout.

Rubio, Schumer, McCain, and Graham?

The Gang of Eight peddled a scam, scam, scam!  

Amnesty is not about some imaginary-legal-non-citizen status. 

It’s about the Washington Cartel plotting to laugh at us. 

Voting, citizenship, entitlements, and more.

Amnesty is everything undocumented Democrats could ask for.

How does the Grinch deal with all this?

He lies, lies, lies with an unflinching twist.

“Limbaugh, Levin, Sessions, and Lee?”

“Don’t listen to them. Listen to me!”

But when Marco last won, it wasn’t a win. 

If you supported the Grinch before, don’t do it again. 

He just skipped the vote on the Omnibus bill.

That’s Marco Rubio on Capitol Hill. 

But Ted Cruz’s record is faithful and smart.

He’s done everything he promised right from the start.

Still the establishment continues to whine.

Nevertheless, it was the Gang of Eight — not the Gang of Nine!

Cruz keeps fighting — he holds the Constitution dear 

so conservatives can celebrate Christmas with promise and cheer!

The end.

Granted, the Grinch’s supporters are now thinking I’m attacking their candidate. However,  I am  merely delivering gift-wrapped facts. It only feels like an attack because they are ugly facts – and Marco Rubio is responsible for that. Be mad at the Grinch, not me.

Rubio’s assertion about Cruz are simply ridiculous.

If Cruz’s amendment supported amnesty — why didn’t the Gang of Eight support Cruz? Marco Rubio’s bill supported legal status. Cruz’s amendment did not.

Cruz’s amendment was more like a feigned surrender on his opposition to amnesty. You know — an insincere compromise. Otherwise, the Gang of Eight would have been all over it.

Why didn’t the Gang of Eight hang “legal status” around Cruz’s neck when he extended it for them? It was a bold and taunting maneuver by Cruz. He gambled that the hypocrites didn’t have the compassion or sincerity they were boasting.

Cruz says as much in the video to which establishment supporters are clinging. Don’t believe your lying eyes. It’s right there in front of your face.

Furthermore, if Cruz was with the Gang of Eight on “legal status,” why would the Washington Cartel brand him divisive? He’d be a team player if he supported legal status.

The cartel wants it both ways. The real reason they despise Cruz is he most definitely is not one of them.

The truth is Cruz voted against amnesty, and Marco Rubio voted for it. Period.

As a result, Rubio is probably thinking “bah humbug” today while Ted Cruz is thinking Merry Christmas! And  Cruz is truly anticipating a Happy New Year!

If you still believe Ted Cruz actually supported legal status for illegal aliens at this point, you might want to order his imaginary Cruz Christmas Classics, too. Just remember, “if you’re not completely satisfied…you probably hate Christmas — and America.”

About the author: Lee Culpepper

Lee Culpepper is a former United States Marine Corps officer and a recovering high school English teacher. Culpepper has taught and mentored youths from nearly every walk of life across America. During his final endeavor in public education, Culpepper invested in the lives of teens in a small southern town with the dubious honor of being one of America’s poorest and most dangerous cities. During this experience, Culpepper planted a flag for the American message concerning work ethic, sacrifice, personal accountability, and perseverance among exploited youths indoctrinated in government dependency. Lee Culpepper’s continued commitment to the lives of these young people has left them questioning the liberal canards concerning government benevolence. Lee Culpepper grew up in McLean, Virginia, with a temporary move just outside Akron, Ohio. After returning to McLean, Culpepper rejoices today that he escaped Northern Virginia’s liberal bastion unaffected by progressive propaganda that now contaminates so many of his high school and childhood friends. Follow Lee Culpepper on Twitter @drcoolpepper or email him at drcoolpepper@gmail.com.

View all articles by Lee Culpepper

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