TODAY’S OBITUARY: Bidding Farewell to the ‘Republican War on Women’

Today’s Obituary:
The Republican War on Women (RWOW) died suddenly at the age of ~55.

RWOW is survived by NARAL, NOW, the likes of Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and, most prominently, Mrs. Hillary Clinton. RWOW is preceded in death by Anthropogenic Global Warming, the Heterosexual AIDS epidemic, and the Population Bomb scares of Leftist politicians and elitists across America.

RWOW was born mostly in the 1960s to Mr. and Mrs. Democrat operative, both bent on smearing and silencing anyone who disagrees with them. RWOW graduated from cute idea masquerading as a Democrat caucus platform talking point, to full-on accepted mis-truth during the George W. Bush administration.

RWOW married Planned Parenthood in the early 2000s after both realized how much they could use one another to further their cause. RWOW began working for midterm and presidential election cycles as a club for Democrats to bludgeon Republican opponents when the topic of differences in the sexes was mentioned. Over time, the couple welcomed children such as Women’s Pay Gap, Rape Culture, Reproductive Rights, and Women in Infantry into their home. RWOW is remembered by its children as their beacon of hope for a permanent, Democrat majority at all levels of government.

RWOW was accomplished at helping to bring down Republican candidates such as Todd Aiken (“legitimate rape”) and Mitt Romney (“binders”), stifling debate on the real differences between the sexes, and ensuring free speech is no longer allowed in the United States. RWOW was passionate in furthering the myth of women victimhood, was an active participant in the mainstream media as a method for avoiding real debate, and volunteered at colleges as a means of pushing totalitarian culture in higher education.

The funeral is ongoing, and a reception should follow every local, state, and federal election from here to eternity. All are welcome to attend. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the candidate of your choice who no longer believes RWOW is still alive. Condolences can be sent to the Hillary Clinton campaign and the DNC Headquarters. The family would like to thank Target, PayPal, Bruce Springsteen, Bryan Adams, and other hypocritical organizations and celebrities promising to boycott North Carolina for passing a law to ensure the safety of its women using women’s restrooms.
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Ladies and gentlemen, no self-respecting American can believe that the Republican War on Women was ever real. But now we know the truth. Democrat politicians never care about the people in the middle of the causes they purport to champion. Minorities, women, gays, transgenders, etc. — these causes, such as they are, only serve as political grenades that fire up voters enough pull levers in Leftist favor at the voting booths.

The people who believe one in five women are raped or assaulted on college campuses, who believe there are not legitimate reasons why women in certain jobs make less than men, and who believe the stupid slogan “reproductive rights” doesn’t actually mean murdering babies, are the same people who think it’s okay for men to use women’s restrooms. Not only do they swoon at biological males using restrooms intended for biological females, they believe you’re a bigot if you think it’s dangerous. To them, you are a horrible person if you wish to protect women from opportunistic, sexual predators intent on flaunting policies like Target’s to “target” innocent victims.

Out of the ashes of RWOW’s death, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce you to the Democrat War On Civil Society (DWOCS). May the odds be never in their favor.

Image: https://www.flickr.com/photos/stevendepolo/7547582922; CC 4.0

Share if you are hoping this “Republican War on Women” nonsense really is dead.

About the author: Michael Cummings

Michael A. Cummings has a Bachelors in Business Management from St. John's University in Collegeville, MN, and a Masters in Rhetoric & Composition from Northern Arizona University. He has worked as a department store Loss Prevention Officer, bank auditor, textbook store manager, Chinese food delivery man, and technology salesman. Cummings wrote position pieces for the 2010 Trevor Drown for US Senate (AR) and 2012 Joe Coors for Congress (CO) campaigns.

View all articles by Michael Cummings

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