What Do Donald Trump and Garlic Have in Common?

I’ve been frustrated with my cracking hands for some time, it started about the same time that I noticed my frustration with government. Spots on my hands were dry and would move around my hands each year as winter approached. I tried lotion, it didn’t work.

In 1998 I started a political action committee because I was frustrated with the Republican part. I spent my short career fighting Republicans who kept telling me not to be so ideologically-driven and instead to think about the “big picture” where it’s not so bad to be a Republican that votes with Democrats. I tried running conservative candidates in liberal Massachusetts, it didn’t work.

A few years ago my hands got so bad that I started bleeding. The dry cracked hands turned into wounds as I took my iPad out to do some research. I remembered a friend of mine had athlete’s foot once and struggled with the small patches that would move around his foot. That’s it, I thought, could be… athlete’s hand?

My medical diagnosis was proven true by a handful of bloggers I read from a google search; this must be what’s going on. Doctors never gave me answers, only more questions and sometimes drugs, so I came up with a solution.

Garlic is supposed to kill certain bacteria and could help with athlete’s foot. I had some garlic and I used it on my hands for a week. I felt like maybe the first few days it was going from really bad to just pretty bad so I was encouraged.

Then things got worse. My hands started to look like Freddy Krueger’s skin in the old 1980’s movie about the man in the striped sweater and the steel claws. I finally broke down and saw a dermatologist.

The doctor tried to contain a little laughter when I told him what I had done after he said to me, “This is psoriasis.” It turns out the garlic made things worse. Much worse.

Now my thoughts turn to our government, bleeding us dry from bad regulations, taxation, and downright nonsensical laws that empower perverts in bathrooms and take guns away from law-abiding citizens.

Donald Trump, let’s call him garlic, is certainly an answer when one does not know the problem. In fact, we might have a virus that “The Don” can cure, I don’t know.

But the consequences, with the United States Supreme Court on the line, are very great. Can we trust the man who made the size of his hands the most memorable campaign event?

As some conservatives rally around the “anyone but Hillary” bandwagon they remind us that Trump has restored the “Reagan Democrat” to the GOP.

But my grandparents, both Reagan Democrats, switched parties after Obama was elected to the United States Senate in Illinois. Are there really any left?

In November we might find out. I took a chance on garlic once but I’m not so sure I’m willing to do it again.

Images: Modified from Donald Trump via photopin (license); Bodegon via photopin (license)

About the author: Ian Bayne

Ian Bayne

Ian Bayne is the morning talk show host on Newstalk 98.3 in Bloomington/Champaign, IL. He is on twitter at @ianbayneisright

View all articles by Ian Bayne

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