ELECTION 2016: The EXPLODING TOILET Analogy, or How To Decide Between Two Bad Choices

From the movie Lethal Weapon II:

SCENE. EXPLODING TOILET
INT. SERGEANT MURTAUGH’S BATHROOM
Sergeant Murtaugh is about to dive into the bathroom tub, with Sergeant Riggs there to help him. Busy bomb squad team members mill up and around the toilet where Murtaugh has been sitting overnight:

BOMB SQUAD LEADER TO BOMB SQUAD TECHNICIAN
How are we doing on the nitrogen?

BOMB SQUAD TECHNICIAN
Almost there.

Murtaugh looks down wide eyed, and nervous

BOMB SQUAD TECHNICIAN
Now what he’s doing, Sergeant, is spraying this thing with liquid nitrogen. That should give you a good second or two before (uncomfortable look)…detonation. Got that, Sarge?

MURTAUGH
A second or two. Thanks a lot.

2nd BOMB SQUAD TECHNICIAN
Okay, lights out!

This election cycle will go down as one of the worst in US history. I don’t say “the worst” because I thought the same in 2008 and 2012; remember, it can get worse. Lies, corruption, and depravity have darkened our political discourse, and I’m confident I speak for many parents when I say “thanks a bunch” for forcing Mrs. Cummings and me to explain adult language and behavior to our children before they’re mature enough to understand choice phrases like “grabbed her by the XXXXX.”

There are logical arguments on both sides of #NeverTrump and #NeverHillary, but in today’s praetorian guard media (h/t Mark Levin) and Web experts, it’s difficult to know what to do because so many of our otherwise trusted sources have compromised themselves. Amid this chaos, I believe I can offer up some degree of clarification.

Many believe the US will survive four years of Hillary Clinton. If you’re one of them, vote for independent Evan McMullin with the understanding that in all probability he won’t win. If we keep the House and Senate, we can stop every stunt Clinton attempts, and defund her every whim. Then, in 2020, we can correct the mistakes of the past and get a true conservative in the White House who will support the Article V Convention of States movement. On that latter note, please understand a Convention of States is our last hope.

If you believe our country will not survive four years of Hillary Clinton, vote for Donald Trump. With a potentially Democrat-led Senate (odds are we’ll at least keep the House), understand that via executive order Hillary will throw down the most freedom-killing decrees that will make Obama look like Reagan. Taxes and regulation will go up, single payer healthcare will be a reality, a social justice Supreme Court will back her up, and the current firewall to tyranny known as the Second Amendment will all but be repealed.

I find it extremely difficult to accept that we have these two, horrible candidates. Hillary Clinton is an awful person in every way a person can be measured. Don’t let her husband’s “aw shucks” manner fool you: He is the same. And while I look at what is currently called “our side” and consider who is currently called “our candidate,” I believe Donald Trump is not a good person, a political hack who was a Democrat mere weeks ago, and would be bad for our country as well.

However, he is not her.

I will not shout the ridiculous cheer put forth by people like clapping seal Wayne Allyn Root, and ask (with the parable of God sending help during a flood), “Did you ever consider Trump is our rowboat?” Nor will I be Sean Hannity (Sean, I love you, but where did you go?) and equate Trump with David in the Bible by saying, “King David has 500 concubines“. Finally, I will not say that voting for Trump is your moral obligation, as Dennis Prager has said.

What I will say is Donald Trump is that liquid nitrogen in Lethal Weapon II, offering us a bit of time before the bomb goes off.

SCENE. EXPLODING COUNTRY
EXT. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Freedom-loving, Constitution-adhering Americans clasp hands:

EVERYONE, TO EACH OTHER
On Three. One, Two …

photo credit: Alex Akopyan Nitrogen via photopin (license)

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About the author: Michael Cummings

Michael A. Cummings has a Bachelors in Business Management from St. John's University in Collegeville, MN, and a Masters in Rhetoric & Composition from Northern Arizona University. He has worked as a department store Loss Prevention Officer, bank auditor, textbook store manager, Chinese food delivery man, and technology salesman. Cummings wrote position pieces for the 2010 Trevor Drown for US Senate (AR) and 2012 Joe Coors for Congress (CO) campaigns.

View all articles by Michael Cummings

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