Hey, Canada! Get ready for the influx of washed-up celebrities! Maybe the shiny, new Prime Minister will be happy to have them.
These whiny celebrities need to take it on the chin like Republicans have done for 8 freaking years now!
But, hey, they are celebrities. They can just use their privilege to move to a ‘friendlier’ political climate.
Canada has often been the destination for disaffected liberals. Obama even joked about it.
— Mashable News (@MashableNews) March 10, 2016
Is it the socialist-friendly government?
Is it that it’s ‘America Lite’? (BTW, That’s ‘America Light’ in Canadian.)
Is it because it’s close to the action for the climate-changers and they can literally watch the arctic ice melt?
Is it that they have a ‘New Democratic Party’ that looks like a Bernie Sanders wet dream?
Is it the socialized healthcare that runs like the DMV, with long lines, unbelievable wait times for tests and surgeries, denial of life-saving services, and the growing frustration almost keeping pace with rising costs?
(Don’t worry, Canadians are starting to sue, and in the Province of Quebec, you can now get private healthcare, not that the champagne Socialists from Hollywood would ever do that… The ‘timely healthcare is a human right’ case is currently going forward in the British Columbia Supreme Court. Everywhere else is pretty much screwed.)
Is it because Canada is all that you want America to be?
Here is the list of stars that are heading to the ‘Great White North’ if things go south for Hillary:
1. Lena Dunham
She says she’d really move to Vancouver, British Columbia on Canada’s West Coast. She can still work from there and enjoy the perks of American fame.
2. Raven Symone
Why are you still here? She said on The View, ‘My confession for this election is if any Republican gets nominated, I’m gonna move to Canada with my entire family. Is that bad?’ Thanks for showing the nation your complete lack of understanding of our Electoral System. Just. Get. Out.
3. Neve Campbell
Already a Canadian who left for her pursuit of fame and fortune in America. If Trump wins, she’ll just commute.
4. Bryan Cranston
Dude, those drugs on Breaking Bad were all fake, right? Right?
5. Barbara Streisand
This one is interesting. She once dated the current Prime Minister’s Father, Pierre Elliot Trudeau.
(That dude was quite a ladies man for a guy who looked remarkably like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. He also dated actresses Margot Kidder and Kim Cattrall.)
Pierre Elliot Trudeau (not Mr. Burns)
6. Stephen King
We know he likes creepy clowns and therefore will be sad with a Hillary loss.
(The musician, not the guy from the Matrix, he’s already Canadian.)
8. Chelsea Handler
Question: Will you stay for more than one night?
9. Larry Flint
Smut-peddler is ‘nauseated’ by the thought of Trump as President… so he’s moving to a smaller market.
10. Keegan-Michael Key
Afraid of commitment? Key wants to move, but still stay close to the U.S. border near Detroit… and his mom.
PRO-TIP: Make sure you pick a province that allows you to buy your beer in a grocery store!
Washed-up celebrities, you’ll be welcomed with open arms…
…or maybe the Canadians just think you’re dumb.