They Kept Blinking Their Eyes …
The following is satire.
When I arrived, I told these very friendly people that I needed three pounds of whole chicken that were naturally raised. When they asked me if I had a cage to keep them in, my curiosity rose. Just living a couple miles away, I told them I would take the cage with the chickens in it and return it the next day since I was cooking the chickens that night.
After I put the chickens in the back of the truck, I had to go to Wal Mart, the closest store in town to get the marinade for the chickens and a few other items for the meal. I read the ingredients and instructions before I left home but I was really unsure of what I was doing. I like to cook in the kitchen but this is the first time that I will be using the smoker/grill outside for a primitive cook out.
Cheryl has always introduced me to wild things like avocado, shrimp and the snail thing called escargot. That is what I love about her. I love her crazy arse taste in food. Who would think of eating insect from the bottom of the ocean. . She has asked me to jump out of a perfectly fine airplane. . I told her that would happen only under two conditions: The plane has lost it’s flying capability and if Obama has a third term. I will never forget the time we went to a Bohemian Bar and Grill and she ordered her favorite meal for me. It was a fish. The entire fish on a plate with peas and rice with natives serving it while smiling. OK, I give up ,,, it was all delicious.
Back on my track to getting the ingredients while having freaking chickens clucking in the back of my truck. I needed to pick up marinade that was a type of Szechuan Spicy. I was told to put a dab of Soy in the marinade to make it go on lighter. Cheryl said she would prepare the oriental veggies for the grill so no worry there.
While I was at the store, I decided to pick up the maximum limit of bullets. I have heard Wal Mart has some pretty good prices on ammunition. I have five guns that have been inherited but I do not know how to use them and not for sure what bullets to purchase. Living in the Midwest, I figured I could get whatever I needed in ammunition.
I made a list of what was on each of my firearms. I needed 22, 38, 45, 410. I had these numbers written down and the only thing that the store had was 22 hollow pt. The first thing that came to mind was some blonde babe with a hollow head and actually NO POINT. I passed on the 22 hollow. I figured it was like shooting a BEE BEE.
After making the purchase of the final ingredients, I come home and roll up to the house. I carried the chickens to the back and placed them by the smoker that was burning pretty hot. Cheryl has the fire ready. This is gonna be a new adventure to wildness for me but that is what my best friend, fiancé and soon to be wife wants and, of course, I crave adventure. I return around to the front of the house and gather the produce that she needs to finish the meal.
Upon entry of the front door, Cheryl gives me a big kiss and hug and she says, “I love you, honey, and I am looking forward to your first bird on the grill”. WOW, I am excited but not looking forward to my first crazy cookout.
I mixed up the marinade, soy with some funky Chinese marinade and took it out back where the chickens were. I had a big brush and a stainless tub of sauce that was to be wiped on these poor chickens. I must say, every new food item Cheryl has placed before me has been wonderful, so this must be the same.
I pushed the brush through the pin and wiped as much sauce as I could all over the birds. I think the spicy sauce was burning their eyes cause they kept blinking at me and clucking wildly. I actually ran out of sauce in a short time so I went back inside the house. I told Cheryl I needed more sauce and she said she had something on the same line that would work. I went back outside and continued smothering the hens with more sauce.
Cheryl bought me an upright griller/smoker for my birthday in November. I put the product together. I have smoked jerky before but I have never had a griller/smoker like this elaborate product. Now to put it to the test. I have eaten some strange things like avocados but this will be the first time I have cooked whole chickens, non-antibiotic, non-steroid, non-hormone in the grill/smoker.
The chickens were covered in a type of sauce. They were sluggish until I tried to pick them up. I think they were just a little pissed. They kept blinking their eyes like they were burning. While I was picking them up, I was kinda laughing. Here comes the smoker … I threw both birds into the smoker. I could hear them for a few seconds and then there was silence.
I knew I had both coated good with the marinade like Cheryl told me to do. Whole birds on the grill. Woosh, what an adventure. I am sure it will be tasty. This is all new to me.
WAKE UP ... If you can find a place to buy ammo … buy it NOW. It is becoming non-existent!
Preceding is satire.