Shazam! Pols Suddenly Discover the Essential Nature of So-Called Same Sex Marriage

Published on March 21, 2013

by Teri O’Brien
Clash Daily Guest Contributor

Jim_Nabors_Frank_Sutton_Gomer_Pyle_1966The last week has seen an outbreak of Shazam Syndrome, with politicians falling all over each other to see who can be first and loudest to proclaim his or her “evolution” on the issue of so-called “same sex marriage,” and his or her corresponding devotion to making up for previously opposing it by working day and night to make it legal in all 57 states with all deliberate speed.

Barack Obama, who in 2006 believed that the issue of marriage should be “decisions about marriage should be left to the states as they always have been”, and who opposed so-called same sex marriage when he ran for president in 2008, suddenly saw the light in May of 2012, and did a complete180. Now it’s crystal clear to him that two people of the same gender should have the “right” to marry each other, and that the people of sovereign states should not be able to deny it.

Hillary Rodham Clinton has also experienced a miraculous, or cynics might say pre-2016, conversion. She would have us believe that up until yesterday she opposed the union of Adam and Steve, then suddenly – Shazam! – she releases a cringe-inducing video, positioning herself as a compassionate, empathetic public servant, motivated by her “devotion to law and human rights and the guiding principles of my faith.” How beautiful is that? I didn’t realize that unquenchable thirst for power was an actual faith, but everyday brings a new opportunity to learn.

I wonder if Mrs. Clinton was influenced by her husband’s parallel, and equally amazing, evolution on this issue, which he announced in a Washington Post editorial earlier this month, to the swooning of the sycophantic media. You will recall that Bill signed the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, “during a very different time,” when apparently that law was constitutional. Now, 17 years later – Shazam! – he has realized that DOMA is unconstitutional after all! Those afore-mentioned cynics might suggest that Bill’s editorial was designed to pave the way for his wife’s declaration of support for homosexuals getting hitched to one another. Mean people suck! What do people want from this poor woman? She was against it before she was for it, and at this point, what difference does it make?

As mortifying as Mrs. Clinton’s Shazam video was, it was an absolute pleasure to watch when compared to the embarrassing spectacle presented last Friday by faux conservative Sen. Rob Portman (R-Pathetic), who for some mysterious reason felt compelled to appear before CNN cameras to say that he too had had a Shazam moment. What did he offer to explain his sudden, screeching turnaround on the institution that is the building block of civilization? His tremendous empathy? The guiding principles of his faith? As phony and ridiculous as those words sounded when Hillary Clinton mouthed them, they were preferable to Mr. Portman’s ignominious statements on the subject. In an op-ed in the Columbus Dispatch, he wrote

Two years ago, my son Will, then a college freshman, told my wife, Jane, and me that he is gay. He said he’d known for some time, and that his sexual orientation wasn’t something he chose; it was simply a part of who he is. Jane and I were proud of him for his honesty and courage. We were surprised to learn he is gay but knew he was still the same person he’d always been. The only difference was that now we had a more complete picture of the son we love. At the time, my position on marriage for same-sex couples was rooted in my faith tradition that marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman. Knowing that my son is gay prompted me to consider the issue from another perspective: that of a dad who wants all three of his kids to lead happy, meaningful lives with the people they love, a blessing Jane and I have shared for 26 years.

At the end of the day, he was able to overcome his “struggle to reconcile [his] Christian faith” with being ok with two guys doing the horizontal mambo within the bounds of matrimony, with some emotionally driven yip-yap about our all being “children of God.” Say what? I think I need to buy a vowel to understand this convoluted statement. This man is allegedly a serious person, a U.S. Senator, and a close advisor to the last GOP candidate for the presidency and his explanation for supporting a dramatic and very damaging change in public policy is that his teenage son wants to have sex with other men? Are you kidding me?

In introducing his change in position, Sen. Portman asserts that “something happened that led me to think through my position in a much deeper way,” however he is giving himself way too much credit. His decision and his absurd explanation for it have nothing to do with thinking. It is the sort of emotionally-driven, illogical foolishness that we’ve come to expect from silly liberals, and it’s no less embarrassing when expressed by a Republican. If anything, it is more so.

I am less offended by the blatant and laughable pandering to political expediency exhibited by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama than by the pitiful, weepy, panty-waisted pap injected into the public debate by Sen. Portman. Neither explanation for attempting to destroy the institution of marriage changes the obvious truth. Marriage is the building block of civilization, designed to ensure the nurturing of the next generation of human beings, not a way for militant homosexuals to mainstream what many of us still consider deviant behavior; no matter how many politicians seeking to enhance their political fortunes, or expiate their parental guilt rush to the microphones to deny it.

Terri O'BrienTeri O’Brien is America’s Original Conservative Warrior Princess, and host of The Teri O’Brien Show, which debuted on Chicago’s radio home for Rush Limbaugh, and now airs in the cutting edge world of online media, She is a yoga-practicing, 2nd Amendment-loving, bench pressing Mac girl geek, attorney, provocateur, author, and dangerous thinker. Learn more at