WH’s Jay Carney: “Knew About IRS Before We Did Not Know About It.”

Written by Nick Taxia on May 28, 2013

Meanwhile, back at the White House the amazing transparency Barack Obama promised his administration would bring to Washington continued.  Said Carney when asked about the tapping of Associated Press reporters’ phones, “Now that we did know about.  But only after we did not know that we had authorized it.  But we’re still not certain.” 

A slap was then heard throughout the White House press room, as Helene Cooper of The New York Times slammed her I-Pad on her lap in frustration.  Cooper then demanded, “Mr. Carney, sir, please, just tell us, clearly, what exactly the White House knew about the IRS and AP intrusions when it knew it.  Please!”

“That’s kind of funny, Ms. Cooper.  I knew you were going to ask me that,” Carney said.

“Why?” replied Cooper.

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“Because we tapped your phone and hacked into your I-Pad last week.”

“What the …?!”

“But…” Carney said, cutting Cooper off, “I can say this about us hacking into your phone and I-Pad: we are 100-percent certain … that we are not sure.  Yes.”

The remaining White House press corps members were found shortly after Carney’s briefing alongside Fox News’ Ed Henry, getting thoroughly wasted.

Cheers to transparency.

(The Preceding is Satire)

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Nick Taxia is a former campaign manager and consultant in Washington, D.C. He is the primary writer and producer of the conservative-leaning satirical web site, DuhProgressive.com, as well as a rising radio personality, commentator, and comedian.