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SOME NOTABLE NEWS ITEMS: Gay Games, Hillary’s Book, High Cheekbones

Note: Some Comments in the Following are Satire

Some Notable News Items: I was just reading how Obama made a personal appearance on a promotional video for the Gay Games (whatever those are) being held in Cleveland. His comments included how proud he is of the changes that have occurred in America since the Gay Games started in the eighties (who knew?  Do they happen every four years like the Olympics, usually a real snore inducer, or every three years…like the dollar bill…or every 666 years?…just curious). I suppose his comment referred to the “arc of history” (whatever that is), which was a term popular (for a few hours a couple months ago) and used exhaustively by Elizabeth Warren (whoever she is) and that woman (with the skunk hairdo…whatever her name was) who was governor of Arizona back when illegal immigration was really taking off… right through her state, but before she was promoted to head of Homeland Security, where she allowed illegal immigration to really get going in even more states.

I’m not sure about this “arc of history” thing. Maybe it refers to that arching little rainbow thing, which is not artistically or optically correct, and has somehow, apparently, become the symbol or icon for the “gay community” (whatever that is). As a side note please note that the “gay community” may be a little different in Iran where a recent government (whatever that means in Iran)…(by the way, if you haven’t seen the movie “Argo” you probably should) indicates that as many as 17% of college students admit being “homosexual.”

This is strangely at odds with the former Iranian president’s assurances a few years ago to the student body of Columbia University (where he received a wonderfully warm reception) when he stated (roughly) that “we have no homosexuals in my country” (which received laughter since the idiots in the crowd sensed a joke was coming: Because we kill them (?). The laughter diminished a bit in intensity, but not entirely…this was Columbia after all…a very open-minded place.) I hope I haven’t misquoted the Iranian Prez here…or left out any good stuff…there may have been some additional comments about goats and bestiality, but I’ve tried to forget that sawed-off little creep. I’m trying to forget Columbia, too, because, in addition to being huge fans of the former prez of Iran, Columbia also turns out some very forgettable scholars, as we now know from painful experience.

On another notable news note, you recall Elizabeth Warren, of course. She’s the Fake Cherokee who utilized a totally unproven family history of “native Americanism” to gain and retain a faculty position at Harvard…yet another institution of higher learning known for also turning out dubious scholars. (Some are the “constitutional” type.)

When Ms. Fake Cherokee (who had already been enjoying her tenured status at Harvard for some time) was queried about her fake family lineage her only response was “Well, gee…I do have high cheekbones.” While she was speaking in front of the cameras, I looked in vain for cheekbones anyone might consider the least bit prominent.

Didn’t the Cherokee suffer enough during the horrible “Trail of Tears” (another product of governmental bureaucratic ineptness and cruelty resulting in genocide …on our own shores). Why do they now need to suffer the present indignity of having creepy politicians glom onto the Cherokee Heritage for personal promotion, career advancement and fat pensions. It is strangely similar to Obama claiming to be “black” while he is not descended from black people who suffered under slavery. (Do liberals notice these sort of things?)

By the way…isn’t an off-hand reference to one’s own “high cheekbones” as being proof of inclusion in some racial group, inherently “racist.” Perhaps it is some form of “positive racism” and not subject to opprobrium. Either way, it is certain that my questioning anything a liberal/pinko/socialist says will get me branded as a “Racist.” (This has already happened in my hometown newspaper, although I am still not sure why…so…rest assured my meteoric rise to pundit stardom has achieved liftoff. Cool, huh?

Another notable news item of this date pertains to how well Hillary’s book sales are going. Apparently, Simon and Schuster is thrilled. Her book is surpassing Robert Gates’ book about his time in politics under three (I think) presidents. Mrs. Clinton’s book streaked past Gate’s tome over the weekend by three or four copies. Though thrilled, Simon and Schuster could be a bit happier since they pre-printed a million copies in anticipation of early impulse (like the checkout line tabloids) sales…which are still trying to surpass one-quarter million. I have a lot of books laying around my office and house. Drives my wifey nuts. Can you imagine how unpleasant it would be stumbling around over 750,000 fat hardcover books, all of them the same title? We have a “fire ordinance” in our neighborhood, so no bonfires.

There are no cartoons associated with this essay. I didn’t know who to draw.

Now…at last…something truly noteworthy…I apologize for my recent atrocious math when I calculated (quickly, off the cuff and badly) there were approximately three times as many Islamic radicals in the world, who want to cut your head off if you’re an American, as there are Americans in the world. I was off. (I blame my eighth grade math teacher…he had a German surname). There aren’t quit that many radicals who want to cut off your head. However, my bad math notwithstanding, there are more radicals who want to cut off your American head, than there are Americans…which creates an unfortunate scenario in which there aren’t enough Americans to go around so some radicals are just going to have to learn to live with disappointment.

Note: Some Comments in the Preceding are Satire

Image: http://www.fotopedia.com/items/flickr-4988338912

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Steve Bowers

About the author, Steve Bowers:

Steve Bowers grew up on a farm in Indiana, attended Indiana University and went into the construction business. While working on a construction project at a law school he was appalled at how lawyers could screw stuff up on a simple building project. Thinking he could do better, Steve went to law school. He’s pretty naive.

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