By Tim Young
Clash Daily Guest Contributor
By now we all know who Jonathan Gruber is… and if you don’t, turn on the news. The quotes this ‘architect’ of Obamacare gave us on his work were golden:
“This bill was written in a tortured way to make sure [the Congressional Budget Office] did not score the mandate as taxes,” and
“If CBO scored the mandate as taxes, the bill dies, ok? … lack of transparency is a huge political advantage and basically, you know, call it the stupidity of the American voter or whatever, but basically, that was really, really critical to getting this thing to pass.”
After those quotes, it makes perfect sense that Gruber’s greatest treatise for the stupid American voters is a comic book… and when I heard this, I had to find a copy and read it for myself so that you, the stupid American voter, wouldn’t have to.
The title of this comic book shockingly isn’t ‘The Adventures of Dr. Deception and the Bullshit Brigade,” instead, Gruber went with the more subtle “Health Care Reform: What It Is, Why It’s Necessary, How It Works.” Now I know that that title sounds boring, but when you get into the pile of lies inside, it gets extremely exciting.
When we meet our hero Jonathan Gruber not to be confused with Hans Gruber, the internationally feared German terrorist from Die Hard, he’s rolled out the big guns of the Affordable Care Act… telling us that we’re all going to have health insurance and it’s actually going to lower the deficit. Of course he’s at a theater… the left has the entertainment industry on lock.
We’re introduced to 4 characters, each of which has a different health care and employment condition. **RACE BAITING SPOILER ALERT** The white guy with the tie has the best condition and the Hispanic woman has the worst, followed closely by the black guy.
But don’t feel good about that white guy just yet… he works for an EVIL business in America, which means he could become uninsured because of corporate greed at any moment!
And we learn that although our healthcare is great, it is in the darkness… and we can only be saved by Gruber aka Dr. Deception who brings us the mighty light and smiling sun of socialism.
He then takes us to a land where healthcare is done all wrong. The EVIL STATE OF TEXAS!
Then we learn that Doctors… not all of them, but just enough of them are also EVIL because they get paid EVIL MONEY to treat patients… and the more they try to treat them with, the more EVIL MONEY THE EVIL DOCTORS MAKE!!!!
The commoners, the stupid American voters… they argued over health care reform, because those stupid Americans had never been blessed with the opportunity to live in a magical land of happiness and wealth called Massachusetts.
And you too could live in a land of happiness and cupcakes and heart candy boxes full of decisions made for you, but if you don’t… we’re gonna tax you!
And look at all these non-descript people who chose to live in candy land with Dr. Deception, they love it and want it for the entire country!
If you’re already insured, then don’t worry, Obamacare will make you extra secure in this ring of insurance… I mean, don’t mind the opening where lots of people can fall out, but it’s extra secure!
This law that’s going to take away your rights to not insure yourself is the spinach, so some people are gonna have to eat healthy so that other people can eat cake…
And if you don’t want insurance, then you’re like this guy who’s scared on top of this ambulance who the Gestapo have stopped to fine. Also someone please call the Supreme Court and tell them that the architect of Obamacare calls the penalty a TAX!
Everybody sing along with this part: If you like your insurance plan… you can keep it!
Dr. Deception shall stop EVIL BIG BUSINESS from its evil freeloading ways! Look at that evil businessman who looks like the principal from Beavis and Butthead.
Here’s where it gets good. ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE OBAMACARE ARE MONSTERS! But we are protected from their MONSTROUS CONCERNS, by that committee that Dr. Deception tricked, the CBO!
In case you forgot the quote: “This bill was written in a tortured way to make sure [the Congressional Budget Office] did not score the mandate as taxes…If CBO scored the mandate as taxes, the bill dies, ok?”
Also keep in mind that he just called it taxes a few images ago..
These ugly monsters have legitimate concerns but Dr. Deception shuts them down with the comments he received from the CBO that he tricked!
And most importantly… Dr. Deception says that THIS IS NOT SOCIALISM!
Like he said, it’s not socialism, but 7 pages later in the chapter called ‘Picking Up The Check,’ the check is in fact picked up by placing a tax on the rich. So, like he said, “THIS IS NOT SOCIALISM!” Listen to Dr. Deception, he DOESN’T LIE TO YOU STUPID AMERICANS!
Also Miami Vice called, they want their rich 1% stereotype with the sweater tied around his neck back.
Look at these fools as they protest to trust the greedy doctors! You CANNOT TRUST THEM!
While they toil in the streets, the bullshit brigade cooks up Obamacare solutions like meth!
All while EVIL BUSINESSES hide from Uncle Sam with their EVIL bags of money!
EVIL DOCTORS not to be confused with our hero Dr. Deception, give out health care like GREEDY BUTCHERS… telling you that you can eat all the meat you want…
We need the mandate to get to the golden hill! All you need to do is FOLLOW ME!
Dr. Deception says that your insurance costs will go down angry corporate white man that cares not about others who aren’t white!
And no one shall stop Obamacare, not even RUSH LIMBAUGH with his death panel lies and treachery!
Dr. Deception then convinces the stupid Americans to join his Quest where he shall take them to a land of candy and cupcakes just like Massachusetts!
And on the final page, instead of candy and cupcakes, he leads them into the desert that is Obamacare: A future of uncertainty and despair. That’s the left’s kind of hero! Just keep following him into the abyss stupid Americans… Just. Keep. Following.
In case you were wondering if the Secretary of State John Kerry knew of or remembered Jonathan Gruber, aka Dr. Deception… he thinks he’s the tops!
See stupid people? It’s not socialism even though the rich are having their wealth redistributed to the poor… these are all great ideas and everyone is going to be happy and living in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory if we just believe in Obamacare.
Author’s Note: I want my $6.04 back from purchasing this off a clearance rack.
Disclaimer: This is a satirical opinion piece based on the book, Health Care Reform: What It Is, Why It’s Necessary, How It Works by Jonathan Gruber which was published by Hill and Wang (December 20, 2011) and can be found for purchase and your own analysis on Amazon.com and Barnes & Nobles.com and at other booksellers.
Conservative Comedian Tim Young has been a guest on Fox News Channel’s ‘Red Eye,’ Huffington Post Live, RT’s The Alyona Show and dozens of syndicated radio shows.
A respected journalist and pundit, his writing has been featured on the cover of HuffingtonPost.com, Washingtonian Magazine, Patch.com, Voice of Baltimore and other major publications. In 2011, he was Young Member Chair of the National Press Club, representing all media under the age of 35.