Written by Doug Giles on January 21, 2016

Hey Jada,

I saw your video about boycotting The Oscars because The Academy nominated zero blacks in the best actor category this year (The second year in a row by the way). 

All I have to say is…‘That’s not right and it’s right up there with some of the greatest atrocities known to mankind.’  Any way …

I’m sorry that you and Spike Lee are upset. I haven’t seen Concussion yet, but I hear Will did a fantastic job.  I hope you guys get over your deep grief.  I’ll be praying for you.

As I watched your angry video, I couldn’t help but notice a big ass horn coming out of the right side of your noggin.  Which had me saying to myself, ‘Self … WTF happened to Jada? She done sprouted a horn!’ (See the pic below)

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I’ve gotta admit, at first I was shocked…because I haven’t seen you on TV or the big screen since The Nutty Professor (Which, by the way, I thought you definitely deserved an Oscar for). So, I didn’t know whether or not in that near twenty year time gap if you some how grew a rather long protuberance from your skull cap. I was worried.

However, as the video rolled on and as the camera panned the room a wee bit, I saw that it wasn’t a horn growing from your head, but rather an elephant’s ivory tusk.  This was sort of shocking to me because I thought you Hollywood types would not, under any circumstance, own ivory taken from a slaughtered bull elephant.  That’s weird. The way I know it’s an elephant’s ivory is because of the obvious shape and the way it’s displayed.  

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I sure hope PETA and the rabid anti-elephant ivory people don’t see that video because they’ll give you unmitigated grief and boycott the Smith’s films and projects like you and Spike are protesting The Oscars

Another thing I noticed from the reflection in that gorgeous mirror over your right shoulder was the presence of a second ivory tusk.  Good Lawd! That’s a double-no-no! The next time you do an angry video make sure your camera doesn’t show that stuff because…again…PETA and their ilk will go bonkers.  

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Also, just out of curiosity, how did you and Will get that elephant’s ivory?  

The only ways I know of are…

  1. You went elephant hunting — which the anti-hunters won’t like.
  2. You legally purchased the ivory shot by another hunter and sold to you — which the anti-hunters won’t like either. Or…
  3. You purchased poached, illegal ivory, sold on the black market, which is the equivalent of a blood diamond.

I hope you guys purchased the ivory legally because that’s a felony under The Lacy Act.

Lastly, I also find it really weird that you guys would own elephant ivory since it represents repressive Colonialism.

Personally, I don’t care because I’m a hunter, but OMG…are you guys in deep weeds if the anti-hunters find out that you actually own and showcase a poor elephant’s tusks in your beautiful home.

Watch out that PETA doesn’t see this video! You can Tweet her at @jadapsmith and PETA @peta

*Update: This column pressed Jada out of her Hollywood haven to explain her elephant ivory to TMZ and PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). She claims they’re resin. I say the USFW should investigate to whether or not they violated The Lacy Act. I also point out their zebra skin and gemsbok horn/ostrich egg chandelier to PETA below. I’ve yet to hear from the Smith’s if the skin and the chandelier are also made of ‘resin.’

* Update: According to Architectural Digest the ivory is a ‘resin’ replica. I think, just to make certain and clear the Smith’s from any hell they may receive from PETA and anti-ivory peeps, that The United States Fish & Wildlife should investigate and verify that claim. That sounds reasonable, eh? Also, when did multi-multi-millionaires start buying cheap replicas of anything?

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Finally, I wonder if the zebra hide pictured in the same Architectural Digest spread on the Smith’s home is fake? Also is that gorgeous chandelier comprised of ostrich eggs and gemsbok horns also fake? I’m just asking because PETA and the anti-hunters will raise holy hell if that stuff’s real. You have a beautiful home by the way.

Watch the full video below:

SEE ALSO: HEY, JADA: Don’t Let PETA Know About Your Zebra Rug & Your Gemsbok Chandelier

SEE ALSO: QUESTION: Do You Think Will Smith’s A Whiny B*tch For Boycotting The Oscars?



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