We are trying SO hard not to make the obvious jokes here. But no promises…
Gun safety. Gun safety. Gun safety.
Poor bastard is now the butt of so many jokes. Well, not ‘butt’ exactly. (Sorry.)
Because that’s NOT where he shot himself when he sat down.
We can’t make this junk up. (Sorry again.)
A Jacksonville man accidentally shot himself in the penis early Friday morning when he sat on a gun in the driver’s seat of his car, police said.
The 38-year-old man was taken to Memorial Hospital by a woman, who told police that the man was sitting in his Nissan Altima by himself and came into their home on Freedom Crossing Trail in a panic and ran straight to the bathroom.
She said she followed him and saw that he had a gunshot wound to his penis, so she took him to the hospital, where he underwent surgery.
Have you ever seen the sentence ‘saw that he had a gunshot wound to his penis’ before?
Neither have we.
Wait… he went home first? To check it in the bathroom? Not straight to the hospital?
What is wrong with this guy?
It gets worse.
Cedrick Jelks pleaded guilty in 2004 to cocaine possession, according to court records. He got five days in the county jail, time served, and paid $438. That guilty plea made Jelks a convicted felon.
So, a gun on the front seat of Jelks’ car that he could sit on — and consequently shoot himself in the penis with — might put him in jail. If prosecuted for possession of a firearm, Jelks faces a minimum three-year prison sentence.
Minimum three years? That’s hard time.
Ok, that’s the last one.
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