If there’s one thing we know about our Dear Reader, Barack Hussein Obama (Praise be his name), it’s that he cares about people, especially the little people, that 47% that that rich, selfish Mitt Romney dissed during that infamous appearance in front of a group of equally selfish, greedy, uncaring rich people. Everybody knows that if caring about the “middle class” were people, Barack Obama would be China. If caring were measured in grains of sand, Barack Obama’s caring would be more than all the grains of sand on the beaches of a thousand planet Earths. John Boehner can cry all he wants. He could even persuade the Oprah to interview him, and he could cry on live TV during an interview in which he declares that, like Sen. Mark Kirk, he now understands that all that matters is “who you love and who loves you back.” Still, even after that, soccer mommies, American Idol groupies and all other similarly situated low-information observers would know that Barack cares more about them than Speaker Boehner does or anyone else ever has or ever will.
How else to explain his latest incredibly caring and magnanimous evidence of his tremendous caring, offering to give back 5% of the salary that we subjects pay him to rule us? It’s hard to believe, but this preternatural creature earns only $400,000 a year for the tremendously difficult work that he does just for us. It would be a bargain at twice that annual price to be led by one so brilliant, so wise, and, yes, so caring, and yet he’s going to give back! Isn’t that what life is all about? What more can this man do for us? Once again, he is leading by example, Peasant.
Some naysaying bitter-clingers, cynical as ever, have tried to sully Barack’s beautiful, selfless act by bringing up the following facts, which they foolishly believe will tarnish the public’s opinion of our beloved Dear Leader (Reader):
— Barack Obama’s net worth is between $2.8 and $11.8 million. In 2011, he reported earnings of $789,674, down from the $1,728,096 he reported for 2010. That was down from about $5.5 million in 2009. Once again, these mean-spirited haters are hoisted on their own petard. Barack has empathy because, like you, his income has gone down every year that he has been in office. So there. More evidence of how much he cares because he is just like you!
— By giving back 5%, Barack Obama will be returning $20,000 to the Federal Treasury, or less than he spent flying Air Force One out to California for his most recent fundraiser. This amount won’t have any effect on his lifestyle because he lives in government housing, and he doesn’t pay for the gas in the caravan of SUV’s that transport him and his family. Plus, he’s really rich.
Sure, all that’s true, but he still cares about you, Peasant. Just because his lifestyle is not affected one iota by what you call a “symbolic and meaningless gimmick,” unlike this guy, Jeff Maryak, who has suffered a 27% pay cut as a result of the sequester, that doesn’t change how much it shows that he cares. Mr. Maryak, a Bronze Star winner has resorted to delivering pizzas at night after doing his 9-5, and he still can’t make ends meet, so he is seeking a military redeployment. I have no doubt, though, that Mr. Maryak felt so much better today when he learned of President Obama’s magnificent gesture.