If some of you ladies want to know how you can suck the life out of your marriage and drive your good husband to insanity, or to the bar, or into the arms of another woman, or to a divorce attorney, or just shrivel him up into a conquered quail who inwardly loathes you as he dies a slow, emotionally tortuous death, well then . . . this is your lucky day.
Here are 10 surefire principles that’ll make your husband more miserable than Donald Trump forced to watch Rosie river dance naked.
1. Nag your Husband.
One way to torture your hubby is to be a nerve grating, contentious, non-stop dripping faucet of faultfinding and finger pointing.
2. Criticize your husband in public.
Yep, publicly shame him. Become an expert at unveiling anything about your spouse that’ll cause him to want to jump in front of a speeding bus.
3. Keep Him On a Short Leash.
By short leashing your mate with insane limits your man will quickly feel like a stupid son, controlled by you, his new petulant mommy.
4. Become a Drama Queen.
Make the atmosphere of your home tense. Make it crazy. I mean … crazy.
5. Hate his Friends.
Sever the ties your companion has with those who have walked to hell and back with him because now . . . it’s all about you. You especially want to steer him clear of friends who feel the liberty to shed light on you, the interesting wife.
6. Hate his hobby.
Your goal is to joy steal any pleasure that can be had by the poor schlep. And anyways you don’t want him to enjoy anything that you don’t like.
7. Cut him off sexually.
It’s not enough to rag and ridicule him and then run his friends off. No, you must go the second mile and turn into the Sex Nazi. No sex for you!
8. Get your family involved in your marriage.
Forget this leave and cleave stuff the Bible dictates. If you want your union to unravel then you’ve got to gang tackle your husband with “The Family.”
9. Never apologize.
If, in the odd event you do something that hurts your husband never, I mean never, apologize. You . . . apologize? Please.
10. Do we really need a number 10?