It’s Time to Slap the Monkey

Written by Skip Coryell on July 9, 2012

Here I am on vacation, sitting in my minivan (minus the screaming kids) with the air conditioner on full (it’s 108 degrees outside). I needed a place to work, so I drove outside of Scott City, Kansas a few hundred yards and turned left down a dirt road. On my right is a wheat field (imagine that – Kansas – wheat?) it’s waving in the breeze, gold in color and goes on forever. But on my left is a darker field that’s been neglected. Farmers tell me it’s lying fallow, storing up nutrients, waiting for a better time. There’s a lot of dead stubble jutting up through the weeds, reminiscent of prosperity long past.

Both fields remind me of America.

The field on the right, with its rich, golden hue, is the America I grew up knowing and loving. For me, it was a given that America was great, that we’d conquer all evil and right all wrongs. The America I grew up in made me feel proud. That golden wheat was symbolic. In Iowa, it was corn. In Michigan it was automobiles. But everywhere, from sea to shining sea, Americans grew up knowing and believing that America was the greatest country in the history of the world. I found that comforting.

Enter Barack Hussein Obama.

We no longer live in the field on the right with its rich, amber waves of grain. Our children are growing up on the left where the garden is choked with weeds, where stubble is the only reminder of our past greatness, and the America that was great is now lying fallow. But still … it has potential.

I remember one of my favorite movies from my childhood was “The Wizard of Oz”. Lots of action, good tunes, and I had a terrible crush on Dorothy. But I never trusted those munchkins, and those flying monkeys scared the hell out of me. And it’s the flying monkeys I want to talk about for a moment, because they are symbols of everything that’s wrong with America.

Flying monkeys, tearing things apart, flying around searching for anyone they can devour. The flying monkeys have fundamentally changed America. “Fundamentally changed America”. Does that phrase sound familiar? For our purposes, let’s say Barack Obama is the wicked witch of the west and all his advisors, appointees, czars, flying around, enacting his policies, doing his dirty work, planting weeds in the garden, are his flying monkey minions.

It’s true. The flying monkeys have fundamentally changed America.

Half of us sit on our collective behinds, soaking up government money like sponges.

Half of us are ignorant, can’t read, can’t write, don’t know who the Founders are or what they stood for.

Half of us, the field on the left, believe America is evil. They suffer from poor self esteem. (And why shouldn’t they. They’re ignorant and lazy! Nothing to be proud of there.)

But wait, while I was writing this piece, a very large tractor drove past me, kicking up dust and interrupting my tirade. What was he doing? OMG! He was working! It’s true, America! There’s still hope!

Half of us work. Half of us are educated. Half of us still believe in the American dream where we can achieve any greatness we put our mind to.

We are the field on the right. We glow with greatness. We are that shining city on a hill. The way I see it, the odds are even, and this is a war worth fighting and worth winning.

Let’s face it, patriots, if Toto is America, the wicked witch of Washington DC has screwed the pooch.

Here is my message to America: Stop lying fallow. You’ve been sucking up nutrients long enough. Now is the time to fight. Now is the time to grow. Now is the time to stand up and plow that fallow field under.

What we need most is a great leader. Someone who will stand up like a George Washington or better yet General George C. Patton! Picture this in your mind: George Patton, in all his pomp and glory, riding into Washington DC on a white horse, pearl-handled revolver at his side, marching up to the first monkey he sees and slapping the hell out of him. It’s a nice image.

Instead, we have Mitt Romney. Ouch. Is all hope lost? No, of course not. We have four months to chew on that man’s ear until he bends to our will. No, Mitt Romney is not a great leader; he’s a politician. But the most important thing right now is “He’s not Barack Obama.” I get sick and tired of voting for the lesser of two evils, but that’s fodder for a future article. Right now, we need to halt the ship. Romney can do that. That gives us a future chance to get a better, more conservative nominee.

Mitt Romney for President! He may not be General Patton, but he’s better than a flying monkey. Too long for a bumper sticker? I suppose. In the meantime, Toto, the cavalry is on the way. But be careful, and don’t drop the soap in the shower. (The evil witch is standing right behind you.)

Skip Coryell lives with his wife and children in Michigan. Skip Coryell is the author of nine books including  Blood in the Streets: Concealed Carry and the OK Corral; RKBA: Defending the Right to Keep and Bear Arms; The God Virus, and We Hold These Truths. He is the founder of The Second Amendment March and the President of White Feather Press. He is an avid hunter and sportsman, a Marine Corps veteran, and co-host of the syndicated radio show Frontlines of Freedom. Skip also hosts the weekly podcast The Home Defense Show, which can be heard 24/7 at For more details on Skip Coryell, or to contact him personally, go to his website at