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Detroit Rock Pity


The city of Detroit, the largest city in the Midwestern state of Michigan, developed from a small fur trading post of New France to a world-class industrial powerhouse and the fourth largest city by the mid 20th century . . . Beginning in the late 19th century and early 20th century, many of the city’s Gilded Age mansions and buildings arose. Detroit was referred to as the Paris of the West for its architecture, and for Washington Boulevard, recently electrified by Thomas Edison.

— “History of Detroit”

— On September 1, a 36-year old man walked into a Detroit fire station, admitted he had shot four people and asked to be arrested. Officers never showed, so the man eventually went to a nearby police station where he was detained.
— Mayor Dave Bing reduced the police department’s budget by 20 percent last year, giving a 10 percent pay cut to the officers.
— Records show that the city has an average of 30 fires daily, the majority of them are suspected to be arson but are never investigated because of the overwhelming workload on understaffed arson investigators.
— The city has a budget deficit of $100m this year and has long-term liabilities of around $14b.
— The city has 48 unions. (Neavling, Steve and Woodall, Bernie, “Detroit’s new czar faces deep decay in city’s neighborhoods” (Reuters) March 24, 2013)
— In 1960, Detroit had the highest per-capita income in the United States
— Today, unemployment is 18%, almost twice the national average
— The median price of a home in Detroit is $9,000.
— The murder rate in Detroit is 11 times higher than New York City.(Snyder, Michael, “24 Shocking Facts About Detroit That You Won’t Believe” (, Feburary 4, 2013)

Of course, it is also highly relevant to remind readers that the Democratic Party has had uninterrupted control over Detroit since 1962. But surely, you say, surely the citizens of Detroit have had enough! Surely they are tired of being held hostage in their own city and mocked, nationally and internationally and intergalactically…? In an effort to right the ship, Michigan Governor Rick Snyder recently appointed an Emergency City Manager for Detroit. Effectively, he has given someone unilateral power over the city and its operations, for the purpose of pulling Detroit back from the precipice of insolvency.

What was the response by some of the enlightened denizens of Detroit?

It’s obvious that race played into this decision,” says Reverend Charles Williams III.

There may be some voter suppression behind it. … We’re going to educate and also escalate. Between us and all the people from UAW, there should be hundreds. There’s going to be action, and escalation around some civil disobedience . . . You won’t even know it until it happens. There are plenty of people committed to going to jail.

(Howley, Patrick “Detroit Protestors Vow ‘Civil Disobedience’ in Opposition to City’s Emergency Manager” ( March 17, 2013)

When Reverends speak like this, all incredulity about the state of the city should evaporate. Race-mongering tools like this guy are leading their flocks to a Promised Land alright; right back to Egypt, where they were promised plenty of leeks and melons, so long as they knuckled the forelock to El Pharoah.

What is the multi-generational Reverend’s plan? If he is successful and civil disobedience halts the efforts of the Debt Czar, what happens? Detroit is forced to shutter services even more severely, leading to the virtual elimination of public utilities like police and fire. The Governor will have to institute some form of martial law, using the National Guard for law enforcement. Residents and businesses will continue to flee the city, leaving it increasingly beholden to the dozen or so remaining tax-payers, tasked with funding the pension obligations of 48 different unions. This is what my friend Dave refers to as the “event horizon”. The last moment before an object passes the point of no return and vanishes into the yawning maw of history’s suckhole.

But hope is not lost! There is another option. Why couldn’t we allow America’s Crusader Against All Things Harmful, NYC Mayor Michael “Nanny” Bloomberg, to buy Detroit outright? Think about it! The net value of the entire city can’t be much more than the cost of a Manhattan condo with a view, right? Is there a more deprived patch of land in these United States, which needs Bloomberg’s fertilizer more than Detroit? He obviously has money to waste, given the obscene amount of scrilla that he splashes around to support the lost cause of American disarmament. Privatize Detroit and sell it to a buffoon with more paycheck than intellect. Duh, winning.

This could well be the proverbial “win-win” opportunity. Reverend Part Trois gets to call off his legion of union thugs and a city of loyal serfs get what they unceasingly pine for: a sugar daddy with a heart of gold (and a phonebook of laws which punish scary capitalists). Super Nanny Bloomberg gets a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have his own Progressive Island of Dr. Moreau, where he can tinker with totalitarianism to his misguided heart’s content.

I envision New Detroit becoming a Leftist Mecca of sorts, where guilt-ridden, rich liberals must make a pilgrimage at some point in their lifetime, in order to contribute their efforts (and cash!!) to the Cause. It’ll be like a Mormon Hajj, where pilgrims travel in ecologically-sustainable vehicles to New Detroit for a summer to be “their brother’s keeper” by tithing and making atonement for the sin of being prosperous. Reverend v3.0 and his ilk will have a never-ending source of enablement and an evergreen sense of entitlement. And over them all, the benevolent Dear Mayor will shape them into healthy, useful, obedient citizens. Cue the goosebumps and sweeping music…

Luke Hamilton

Luke Hamilton is classically-trained, Shakespearean actor from Eugene, Oregon who happens to be a liberty-loving, right-wing, Christian constitutionalist. When not penning columns for, Hamilton spends his time astride the Illinois-Wisconsin border, leading bands of liberty-starved citizens from the progressive gulags of Illinois to [relative] freedom. Hamilton is the creative mind/voice behind Pillar & Cloud Productions, a budding production company which resides at He owes all to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose strength is perfected in his weakness.

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