The other day I was on a radio show being interviewed about my new Sandy Hook Massacre book when the conversation turned to gay marriage. I’m sitting there thinking, “Huh?” … “I didn’t sign up to talk about gay marriage” … “Good Lord, man, I’d rather watch Yoko Ono do an interpretive dance to “Riders on the Storm” then yap about two big lesbians wanting to get hitched.”
Anyway, I caved in and decided to follow the host’s lead and give him my redneck two cents on gay marriage; and here’s what I told him:
Number One. Before I directly address the gay marriage issue, allow me to state that I care more about the $16.7 trillion in debt that our nation’s mired in, our evaporating Bill of Rights and national security issues than I do whether or not Brad and Chad can be betrothed. Call me selfish and ill focused.
In addition, I told my host that, as long as we have men and women in harms way who have to ration food, fuel and ammo due to the sequestration, I don’t give a rat’s backside about gay marriage. I’m so mean, eh?
With that said, I went on to inform Mr. Radio Show Host, that if he really wants to get down to brass tacks regarding where I stand on the gay marriage issue, well then, here it is: I am against gay marriage, especially Liza Manelli’s former marriage to David Getz. That was the gayest thing that I have ever seen in my life and it should have never happened.
Not knowing why he was so interested in the gay marriage debacle I asked him, “Why do you care? Do you want to marry a man or something? Do you think you got a shot at Ryan Seacrest?” He was speechless.
As our segment was wrapping up I told him if he wanted someone on his show that’s a staunch supporter of gay marriage then he should invite on some divorce lawyers because they can’t wait for the gay marriages to get a-crankin’.
In all seriousness, I’m kind of torn on the gay marriage issue. I’m split between Ted Nugent’s take on homo-matrimony and Jesus Christ’s opinion on the issue.
Nugent told me a few years back that he didn’t mind gay marriage if: A). We didn’t call it marriage. B). We didn’t have to pay for it via our tax dollars and C). it was only between two good-looking lesbians.
Hmmm. Interesting, Uncle Ted but what would Jesus do? What’s Christ’s take on the gay marriage conundrum? I’d like to know because, as a Christian, I probably ought to listen more to Jesus than to the “Motor City Mad” man on such a serious issue, right? Right.
According to Matthew 19:4-6 Jesus said, many moons ago when He was walking the mean streets of Galilee, that marriage is a union that God ordained between a man and a woman. He said it. I didn’t. So, if you’re going to get pissy then take it up with the Son of God.
Heck, even Hillary, Harry Reid and Dick Durbin agreed with Jesus’ assessment of what constitutes a marriage; and they said so in no uncertain terms that nuptials were for a man and a woman; and they held that position until they folded like a cheap suit before the powerful gay lobbies who threaten their political careers. But enough about those hacks — lets go back to JC.
Now, I would remind those who supposedly take their cue from Jesus that there were gay dudes and dudettes around Him in His day. It’s not like homosexuality just started showing up during Liberace’s lifetime. Gays have been around since the dawn of man. Matter of fact, I think that was the name of the first gay rock band.
Indeed, several cities such as Sodom and Gomorrah celebrated homosexuality, as did ancient Greece and Rome. By the way, what ever happened to those cities and cultures? Oh, never mind. I’m getting distracted. Let’s go back to Matthew’s Gospel.
The God of Love said, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, in the midst of a culture that contained gays, that when it comes down to what constitutes a marriage in God’s eyes, well … that would be a union that is fundamentally betwixt a guy and a girl. But then again … what does Jesus know? Heck … He can’t be smarter than a postmodern twenty-something, can He? Surely, He’s not keener than a radical Leftist. Jesus couldn’t have been shrewder than say, Rosie O’Donnell when it comes to the divine pattern prescribed for the continuity of God’s created order for humanity, right? Huh?
So, what do you guys think? Was Jesus out to lunch on what constitutes a marriage in God’s eyes or what? Do you think Rosie, Kathy Griffin and Hillary Clinton are smarter than He was/is? Lay it on me, peeps.
* Check out our latest video: Liberal Chick – “Gay Marriage More Important Than Our Economy and National Security”