Land of the Free(loader)

Written by Luke Hamilton on April 25, 2013

get-attachment (2)There has never been a better time to be a freeloader in America than today. Oh sure, there have been golden years in the past. Any country which gives birth to such an incredible number of inventors, producers, and industrious citizens will always attract the bums like a 24-hour Old Country Buffet which opens up down the street from Michael Moore’s house. Ain’t nothin’ gonna stop that bum rush.

It was a good time to be lazy during FDR’s reign. First off, all the real men were overseas fighting for the country, so there were lots more dames to pick from. And those dames were willing to work to replace all the absent men-folk, so far so good. To top it all off, President Roosevelt proposed adopting a 2nd Bill of Rights, with such “rights” as a home and a job. If a bum has a right to both a job and a home then why worry about working to obtain or keep either?

However, even the Glory Days of Delano are nothing compared to today’s America. If FDR’s America was Old Country Barfet, Obama’s America is supper at Versailles. In Obama’s America, shiftless-ne’er-do-wells might never have to work again! Consider the fact that the unemployed are now eligible to receive 73 weeks of unemployment benefits, with the potential for yet another extension of benefits perennially just around the corner. A year and a half of getting paid not to work! Be still, my beating heart…

But the free buck doesn’t stop there. Medical marijuana is the new trendy legislation and state legislatures are passing that joint from one coast to the other. In fact, Illinois just passed a medical marijuana bill last week which will allow patients with the proper prescription (very difficult to obtain, I’m sure) to procure 2.5 oz of pot per week. That averages out to a little over a dozen joints of Maui Wowie each day. Couple this with the full implementation of Obamacare and we have the Holy Grail of Deadbeatery: government-sponsored bong rips. I mean, if healthcare is a right and my treatment plan calls for a prescription designed by Snoop Lion, then I have a right to rip!!

We have government cell phones being distributed, along with monthly minute packages. Some of the more industrious freeloaders have testified to possessing 3-4 of them at once. Now that is a hard-working bum! Some of our Welfare funds are being spent on items ranging from visits to the strip club to poker chips in Las Vegas. It is very likely that our Dear Leader will attempt to push through a Student Loan amnesty bill, which would absolve an entire generation of having to repay their financial obligations, incurred while earning a Masters Degree in Ecological Feminism or Post-Colonial Comparative Economic Literature. Currently, there is not a health insurance plan in the country which can deny your “right” to access birth control and abortifacient drugs, subsidized by your employer and colleagues. Of course, social sponges do not have employers and so our charitable State has decided that this “right” would be provided to all, even the Occupationally-Challenged!

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Luke Hamilton is classically-trained, Shakespearean actor from Eugene, Oregon who happens to be a liberty-loving, right-wing, Christian constitutionalist. When not penning columns for, Hamilton spends his time astride the Illinois-Wisconsin border, leading bands of liberty-starved citizens from the progressive gulags of Illinois to [relative] freedom. Hamilton is the creative mind/voice behind Pillar & Cloud Productions, a budding production company which resides at He owes all to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose strength is perfected in his weakness.