by Carl “Caveman” Kaver
Clash Daily Guest Contributor
Bludgeoned on the ground in a pool of GOP bloodshed from a Mexican standoff over Obamacare, the GOP is perfectly poised to lose the next battle: Amnesty. I’ll tell you how to avoid being a conservative money-loving, nerd-hating stereotype during the amnesty debate and always.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as conservative as they come. What sets me apart from the staunch partisan crowd of Tea Party lawmakers is the reality that compromise is necessary, unless you own the vast majority, or are king. That is the same reality that separates me from the pigheaded bullying, currently displayed by the President and his half-literate executive branch thuggery-ers.
The GOP neither has the support from vast majority of the American People, nor the Presidency. Lets face it, the GObigP don’t have much of a majority of anything; teachers, most local governments, hipsters, sign waivers, ignorant youth, college students, artists, hip hop artists, GOOD NIGHT, they can’t even dance!
A failed Mexican standoff battle is bad enough, but to completely lose the sight of the messaging war that the Democrats are so well propagandizing is shameful on behalf of the GOP. It will lead them to their certain political graves. I think Obama said it best when he said, “you don’t like it, go out and win an election.”
Well? Can you?
Unfortunately, Mr. President Hussein is right. If you really want to change things,then go out there and win elections! I couldn’t have said it better myself. If you love
the country that your folks fought and died for, then vicariously live through those WWII vets that want to see their memorials. But wait, weren’t they shut down for the first time in American history by the current Commander in Chief? Yes they were – get over it.
So, now you want to make REAL change? Here’s what you do:
You will start by contributing to the cause of liberty. Obviously, if you’ve read this far you want a big change. Well, you will infiltrate your child’s school. There are barely any conservatives in education. You will flood the “art grounds” where the kids “hang out”. You will be involved in charitable activities with you kids. If you don’t, then you will take fault in the fall of our nation and will live with the curse of your worthless insignificance every time you see your illegitimate kid pledge to our “fuhrer” in the future. You may as well accept it now if you are a diehard O supporter. We warned you!!
It’s too late to have a Mexican standoff amongst ourselves about who is more conservative than the other, when our opponent is wrecking American civilization as we know it and people are cheering him for doing so. We have a civilization problem. You can argue until you are blue in the face, but the poison they are drinking shadows your reason. I will educate you.
The reason GOP ended up in this standoff is because the great many of them are selfish, as all Democrats are selfish. I know; you hate me now. I knocked conservatives. But, you are selfish! Here’s a list to help you not be in the future and
to win elections.
• Get off your ass and teach the kids that socialism is wrong and why it is wrong. The Dems are already in your kid’s classroom, teaching them otherwise.
• Put together an educated opinion article for your local newspaper. Dems already control the majority of the press, you have to educate the people in your local circle, because no one else will.
• Don’t sell your Republican brethren down the river so fast. Hey, you forget, they have a constituency to answer to. Your target is their constituency. Win the people, you jackwagon! Quit being a liberal!
• Hate all things progressively ignorant, BUT, have patience with those that don’t understand. Hey! They aren’t there yet. They already think that you’re lying to them, because of the crazy propaganda that they’ve heard. Don’t give them a good reason to think you’re a lunatic.
• Welcome dipweeds with their shortcomings gladly when they tune into conservative values. The intelligently challenged will smell your bulls**t from miles away. They will, however, be pleasantly surprised if you actually practice what you preach and act in the love that only Jesus could offer ignorant folks like that (and us). If you are sincere, they will listen more.
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen! Ya stingy bastard! In order for you to even remotely relate to the quality of the left’s propaganda machine you will have to work. Yeah, you! The left touts their efforts to feed to poor and all that propaganda crap. I know you already donate to your church, but these guys don’t have jobs! They’re building on the image that they care more about the poor than the “church”. Well, it is easy to buy into because you don’t hear about what the church is doing for the homeless these days. Get out of your complex and WORK! (That’s my inner drill sergeant speaking)
• Quit being an ‘innerist!’ This is my own word. I made this up for people that just want to make money and hope politics will work out their way. Well, guess what, you’re part of the problem. Liberals are never going to agree with you, but are you displaying the love that you claim to possess? Or is your love for money? Again, Liberals will smell this a mile away and cry foul.
Remember, if you believe in Christian values, then you know that liberals aren’t the anti-christ, liberalism is. Treat all folks with respect.
What I am trying to say, conservatives, is that when Sarah Palin gives a whiney speech about her America, or Barbara Boxer displays her normal “I hate the military” rhetoric, don’t panic, it’s all politics. Forcing a GOP Mexican standoff cost you great compromises that could have led to a better bill, had you taken it then.
The truth is that our country was founded on these debates. To win the debate is to outwit your opponent. I just simply don’t see the GOP of the conservative patriots having a plan to do that civilly. The immigration debate is toast. GROW BALLS. Be civil to your neighborhood liberals.
Sun Tsu said, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”
Image: Courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/soul_stealer/8144747570/
Carl “Caveman” Kaver cut his teeth as a civilian member of the most elite CIA counter-terrorism team that the 1970s had to offer. Bored and upset with the failed leadership of President Jimmy Carter, he decided to pursue his interest in professional arm wrestling on the American Professional Arm Wrestling Tour (APAWT). At the mature age of 16, having won the World Championship, Carl was ejected from the APAWT for unnecessary violence, after a Democrat opponent made undesirable comments about Carl’s mother. Carl went on to pursue his interest in wrestling crocodiles, until he was severely wounded on the job. Having broke both hands while dismembering the head from a living croc, he decided to change courses. He had mastered all other desires in life, and only one remained: report the news. The rest is history.
