Take Back the Republican Party! (My Wife’s Great Idea — and I Agree!)

Written by Steve Bowers on October 20, 2013

O.K., O.K., O.K., I get it. The Republicans in Congress sold us down the river last week. They worked a deal with their buddy Obama and failed to defund Obamacare or do anything else they should have done in our country’s best interest.

But, I have a solution.

My wife was at a gathering of women in our community several months ago. Someone mentioned politics and there was a corporate groan. The gathering was probably predominately Republican in make-up, with a few Democrats. (At this point, my wife is proudly neither, which, I guess, makes her an unbiased observer.) The ladies were hot under their collective collars. The Republican majority of ladies did not inveigh against the Democrats in Congress, but were sputtering disdain for the Republicans they had voted for. (In Utah that means they were disgusted with Senator Hatch, Mike Lee and Jason Chaffetz being good and honorable fellas … so far.) But they also spewed venom all over the other Republicans in Congress even though they didn’t vote for ‘em. They were angry and frustrated because the Republicans are no different from the Democrats.

And, of course, they are correct. Yesterday proved that. There is not a dime’s difference between Lindsey Graham and Chuck Schumer. They are both simply clinging to their filthy little handhold on Power. The same is true in the House with the exceptions of a very few Republicans like the aforementioned Congressman from Utah and that guy with the temerity to shout out in an early (and boring) Obama address to a joint meeting of Congress, “You lie!” Remember that guy? He deserves a medal. A really big medal. And an oversized statue in the National Gallery under the Rotunda. Where is he now. I wanna move to his district so I can vote for him. He understood early what a problem we were facing. He also understood, perhaps viscerally and instinctively, that he was listening to rubbish AND that the time for politeness and congressional collegiality had suddenly died.

But back to The Solution. Some of my wife’s cronies said we need a third party. Others groaned again, saying that idea had been tried and found wanting. The meeting then deteriorated into general carping. Some moderate cursing followed and everybody went home. (My gorgeous wife was still fuming when she got home. I felt the heat … as usual.)

But the ladies were onto something. Instead of starting a new party, why not just shanghai the present Republican Party. Of course the idea has some objections. First, the Republican Party (and its leadership) is repellant to good folks. It stinks! And if a guy grabbed the helm he’d probably wanna wear rubber gloves. Second, the Party is composed of wimps, weenies and miscreants. Third, it takes time and money to build a new party.

But these objections are overcome by just wresting the levers of power from the current leadership. Vote ‘em out. Show up at the polls with pitchforks, torches and any rudimentary farm implements you find laying around in your Republican great grandfather’s old barn. THROW the traitorous idiots OUT! Just start over. Why mess around building the superstructure of a new party? Just take over the one we have already. Tossing the rascals out on their duffs answers all three objections. The Jerks go away. The Stench goes away. And the cost is only the exorbitant price you pay for gas to drive to the polls.

Why is my idea a good plan (and it certainly isn’t original to me … it was mostly my wife’s idea … and Don’t Mess With Her, Texas is nothin’ compared to her)?  Mine is a good plan because, hopefully, the brainy DNA of your Republican grandfather got passed to you. I know it’s a lot to hope for, since you probably possess a high school diploma and, worse, a college degree, each obtained under the directives of our abysmal Department of Dumbed-Down Education, but maybe, just maybe, you still have a brain.

Let’s face it. If you are a Republican because your grandfather was a Republican, you and your grandfather are/were, by definition, smarter than a guy who is a Democrat because his grandfather was a Democrat. At least it’s safe to say your grandfather was smarter than the other guy’s grandpa. Without getting into that stuff about how the Democrats hated Lincoln because of his opposition to slavery and how the Southern Democrats were in lockstep against Emancipation and (a small minority) got into the lynching business in retaliation and generally spawned the racial antagonism which the Democrats today claim plagues our nation still. It’s an irony that escapes Democrats today, but their political forebears started it!

And as I am listening, in the background, to somebody on a congressional committee grilling some federal flunky about his disreputable actions during the Shut Down, I am reminded there are actually several terrific people still in the Republican Party in Congress. D. Issa is a personal favorite along with a few new people who are still getting their sea legs in the House of Whores. They are the ones asking perplexing questions of federal creeps who were the point of the spear for expressing our president’s hatred for our veterans at National Monuments over the last weekend. I wonder why no one was arrested for defecating on a cop car from among the ranks of those Veterans present? Doubtless a difficult task if you’re in a wheel chair. The contrast of our president’s attitude towards the Occupy Wall Street Bowel Movement and OUR Veterans is horribly palpable! Only a liberal or Democrat or RINO wouldn’t be appalled. But indifference to Evil is part of their job descriptions.

And on a sorta’ similar note, did you notice the EPA admitted that only five or six percent of their employees are “essential?” Since the reason Carter (Mr. Second Worst) started the Environmental Protection Agency (or was it another department? hard to tell with all the built-in overlap of government bureaucracies) was to end America’s dependency on foreign oil, it is obvious that every employee there is “NON-ESSENTIAL.”

But, let’s be nice again (probably to our detriment). Just start by firing the 94 to 95% who are admittedly not “essential.” Then start reviewing the other bureaucracies to do the same thing. They do more harm than good. It might be different if they did something productive. But they don’t. What they do is harmful. (Unless you’ve been slowly boiled like a frog, you’ve probably noticed the price at your pump.) They should be classified as “HARMFUL” not “NON-ESSENTIAL.” You can’t blame these “non-essentials.” They’re just clinging bitterly to their non-productive, easy and overpaid jobs and ridiculously high-priced and early pensions. The real problem is the non-productive, under-worked, overpaid, fat pensioned politicians who put them into power over the rest of us.

So I think my plan is a good one. I mean … my Wife’s Plan is a good one.

It’s time to get rid of the bad politicians and that will get rid of the bureaucrats. (Putting “bad” as a modifier in front of “bureaucrat” is a serious redundancy.) Defeat the bad Republicans in their local primary (like Luger and the former old whatshisname Senator from Utah). And forget that “politeness” crap! These clowns have been riding that cushy buffer for too long. Just vote ‘em out!

Bring your pitch fork.

Steve Bowers
Steve Bowers grew up on a farm in Indiana, attended Indiana University and went into the construction business. While working on a construction project at a law school he was appalled at how lawyers could screw stuff up on a simple building project. Thinking he could do better, Steve went to law school. He’s pretty naive.