by “Tori Hunt”
Clash Daily Guest Contributor
Editor’s Note: The following is written by a woman who believes the sexual aspect of marriage should be a priority to wives. If you are offended by frank language, please do not read this.
Its Thursday, we have not had sex all week and I can tell I am going to have to do my duty. I am tired from work, have not shaved my legs in a few days, and he really has not done anything to make me want to feel like having sex with him. I guess it is my obligation as his wife so I will just hope it doesn’t take up to much time; I have a lot of other things to do.
This negative thought process followed up by score keeping, examining his flaws, and justifying why he just doesn’t add up, leads to rushed, bland, lights off sex! Unacceptable!!!
I hear this going on in so many Christian relationships, it’s like sex has become a bother to wives and the husband has to earn it! It’s crazy!! I hear wives complain about their husband’s sex drives in almost disgust. And you should hear their husbands who are left feeling undesirable by the women they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. Ouch!
To add insult to injury wives carry this attitude with them that their husbands should be grateful for whatever kind of sex they get. Woman feel justified in withholding sex because their husbands did not connect with them, didn’t do the dishes, or whatever excuse they can come up with to avoid sex.
Sex should not be used as leverage or withheld for penalty.
Wives, think about when you are having sex with the mindset of it being a task … are you really enjoying it? Be vulnerable, let him in, let him share and act out his fantasies. You husband will try harder than ever to be a man you admire if his needs are met in this area. Enjoy sex! Let him please you!
When he wants to see you naked, act sexy or have sex every night with the lights on, this is not an issue. It is not that he is not holy enough or hasn’t searched or prayed long enough to be able to give you enough grace to have him be content with little to no sex life. Wives, you don’t need to pray to God to work on lowering your husband’s needs for sex, but pray that you can learn to accommodate and enjoy doing so. Christian men have no less desire to throw back the sheets and turn on the lights than their unsaved counterparts. Men are driven by physical affection and are visual stimulated. This is them by nature, the way God made them.
Men are bombarded with images of sexy women every day and even if you are not feeling attracted to your husband, do not be naïve enough to believe that women are not flirting with him. Conviction is not enough! Men need their needs met. Wives reach out and support their husbands, they pray for them and with them, they would go above and beyond in most areas in order to sustain a good marriage … but this is not true in the area of sex in most marriages. To have them go without but expect them not to find another sexual outlet is also naïve thinking. And for the guys who are being faithful in every way and going without that is just wounding, it’s not the way we should expect them to live, so, ladies, get with it and minister to your man.
We all have that friend or know someone who dresses a little too sexy, acts a little too promiscuous. Women who know that there sex life is lacking hate it when these women come around and will avoid making a friendship with them. I think they should learn from them, they will be glad to share their seduction tips, and if you are a Christian woman you can teach her to put her sexuality in the context God meant it to be. You can lead her to the cross and she might lead you to a new kind of heaven.
Take sexy pictures for your man, and don’t freak out if he would prefer the picture not be fully clothed, learn to strip for him, leave the lights on, have sex EVERYWHERE, try new things … have fun!!!!!!!
If you want to do this but feel like you can’t open up or relax, watch for my follow-up columns, I have some suggestions!!! And would love to help.
I would like to challenge any women reading this and who is not completely sure that her man is completely sexually satisfied, to surprise him this week with something that you have not ever done before and ask him for something he has not done for you in the last six months.
Image: Courtesy of: http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/ositopolar/lovers-embrace
