transitive verb \ˈkas-ˌtrāt\
: to remove the testes of (a person or animal)
Cuttin’ nuts has been in the news a lot lately. I must say as a carrier of testes it’s a little unnerving. The idea of having them forcibly removed is unsettling in the least. So what’s the flap? We’ve got this little Senate race underway in Iowa. Control of the Senate seems to be a pretty big deal. Our old Democrat, the infamous, Tom “Dung Heap” Harkin, after 122 years in the Senate is calling it quits. The Dems have named his heir apparent; Bruce “farmers are stupid” Braley. He also goes by, Bruce “where’s my towel boy” Braley and Bruce “lets barricade these military monuments” Braley. He’s a sure winner! Not really, he makes Harkin look like a genius. With that much blood in the water we have large field of Republicans in the primary hunt for the chance to take on Bruce the Blowhard.
As the primary draws near, candidates need to step up their game to stand out from the pack. The threat that no one candidate will garner enough support to win the nomination outright looms ever nearer. In the field, we have a rich liberal in Republican clothes. If you want an instant RINO, Jacobs is your man. The other three all have merits. Joni Ernst, Sam Clovis, and Matt Whitaker. Most feel Clovis and Whitaker are true conservatives. Ernst might be, but a recent endorsement by Romney didn’t help in the Hawkeye state.
However, Ms. Ernst just elevated her campaign with an “A- Game” ad that went national both on the internet and on the talk shows. I saw references to it from Jimmy Fallon to Sean Hannity, usually with a mixture of giggles and grimacing. The ad starts with Ms. Ernst in a barn. “I grew up castrating hogs …” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9Y24MFOfFU It is a pretty awesome ad. The send me to Washington to “cut pork” message definitely resonates here in Iowa. I don’t know if she’ll do it or not, but the optics of the ad are great. Home-run.
The media and people on the coasts are having a ball (no pun intended) with it because they don’t understand it’s not a joke. Many of us in Iowa grew up cuttin’ nuts. I did. I helped my Dad do it. We actually snipped open the ball sack, popped the little nut out, snipped off the cord, and tossed it on the ground for the waiting horde of cats to snap up the tasty nuggets. Let me tell you those little piggy’s do squeal. Nobody, not even a little piglet, likes their nuts cut off.
So then, I saw this recent Clash post about another woman wanting to cut nuts and I thought what’s going on around here. Feminism has stepped up to a whole new level. Apparently, some no-name atheist comedian, Laura something, doesn’t like Christian Conservatives so much she said this…I would personally like to castrate every Male Conservative Christian so that they have NO reproductive rights (#HobbyLobby).
Her tough talk kind of made me laugh. I’m pretty sure that if we could find a man brave enough to offer his personal manhood to her for the chopping block, she’d lose her stomach for it. Castrating any living creature isn’t for the faint of heart. Definitely not going be easy for a silly-trash-talking-comedian-from-streets-of who-knows-where. I doubt she’s ever seen a testicle. I mean one that’s been forcibly removed that is. It’s an image that might haunt her for awhile.
I guess we could invite Ms. Laura “I want to cut Christian nuts” to Iowa for a good old fashioned nut fry to see if she really has a taste for it. Here’s one held every spring in Waukon, Iowa.
Come on out, eat some nuts, and raise money for the first responders. It’s good small town fun, but don’t eat too many. They’re pretty rich. So you can see, in fly-over country we take cuttin’ nuts serious. Many of us have done it, seen it, and eaten it. Let me tell ya, that gives you a whole different perspective on the world.
Author, S.C. Sherman’s latest novel titled Mercy Shot is available for purchase at www.scsherman.com and Kindle version is available on Amazon.com. Contact Steve via email firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, go LIKE www.facebook.com/mercyshot to stay up to date on all things Mercy Shot.
Doug ‘The Big Dawg’ Giles’ reviews Mercy Shot: “Mercy Shot is a riveting, modern tale of the twisted and insidious war that’s being waged against our Second Amendment rights. S.C. Sherman does a great job of forecasting in this timely tome of how things could possibly go down. My advice is to a.) Read this book and b.) Buy a stack of guns and ammo, pretty damn quick. Molon Labe.” – Doug Giles, CEO of ClashDaily.com