Why Only Idiots Invest in Bitcoin

Published on March 1, 2014

By Tim Young
Clash Daily Guest Contributor

Are you stupid?  Do you have a lot of money that you want to literally burn on a fire to roast marshmallows with?  If you said yes to either one of those questions, the Bitcoin market is for YOU!

What exactly is Bitcoin?  If you or someone you know has thrown money into Bitcoin, then your definition is going to sound something like Wikipedia’s:

“Bitcoin is a payment system using a public ledger, and a digital currency created by open source software, introduced in 2009 by pseudonymous developer Satoshi Nakamoto. It works peer-to-peer allowing payments to be sent directly from one party to another without going through a financial institution. It is called a cryptocurrency, because digital encryption is used to create and transact money from bits.[5] Conventionally, the capitalized word “Bitcoin” refers to the technology and network, whereas lowercase “bitcoins” refers to the currency itself.[6]

Fall asleep reading that?  I did.  The first paragraph of the definition of Bitcoin needed 6 (six) references in it.  That just seems like an awful lot of work to describe air.  In comparison, the Wikipedia definition of Ponzi scheme has only 1 reference in their first paragraph.

Bitcoin literally started one day when a guy with a fake Asian name came up with a scheme to charge people to buy their version of money.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Shortly after creating Bitcoin, he ran in to someone on the street and convinced that idiot to buy his FAKE money (that he didn’t even take the time to physically create) with REAL money.

This isn’t a new concept.  In fact, this type of thing happens every single day.

The first time it happened to me was when I was roughly 8 years old.  I went to a financial exchange called Chuck E Cheese’s (CEC) where I traded my real, hard earned cash, for fake money to play their games.  The CEC even gave me reward tickets to trade in for crappy toys for spending their fake money to use their stuff.

The CEC financial exchange always ended up way ahead of me monetarily, because I walked in with my real money and walked out with trinkets only worth something if I was a 1600’s settler tricking the Native Americans into selling me Manhattan.

Here’s where the CEC got it right.  They knew that they controlled the value of their currency at their financial exchanges, so over the years, they made its value increase in comparison with my real money.  Why did they do that?  Because they were out to make a profit on me.

Bitcoin is no different.  They created money, convinced idiots to buy it; then made it valuable so that the creators of the money could cash out leaving the idiots that invested to play with their eventually valueless algorithms.

The best part about the scheme is that the government can’t regulate it.  I’ve studied The Constitution for years; there’s nothing in it that prevents Americans from being complete idiots.

I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.  Did you notice how I referenced Chuck E Cheese’s and their arcade token machines as “The CEC” and their “financial exchange?”  It makes them sound like a real professional institution.  Well take that in comparison to MtGox, the Bitcoin exchange that recently disappeared with everyone’s money.

Do you know what MtGox stands for?  Magic: The Gathering Online Exchange.

Idiots were buying fake money from a “financial exchange” based around a card game where nerds battle each other with wizards and mystic creatures in the mythical land of their parents’ basement.   That means that the board meetings at MtGox probably looked something like this:

Screen Shot 2014-03-01 at 2.13.21 AM

Don’t they look like guys that you want to hand over all your money to?

I don’t really need to say more, do I?

The bottom line is that there are only two types of people making money out of Bitcoin:

1 – The ones behind this Ponzi scheme and

2 – Those who are selling training online to help you make quick money by trading inside the system.

The moral of the story is this:  Don’t be an idiot.  And if you can’t help but be stupid, the least you can do is invest your money in a bank whose nerd theme is based off of something more respectable, like Star Wars.

Screen-Shot-2014-01-23-at-11.47.35-AMKnown as the Republican Jon Stewart and the Young Rush Limbaugh, Young has been a guest on Fox News Channel’s ‘Red Eye,’ Huffington Post Live, RT’s The Alyona Show and dozens of syndicated radio shows.

A respected journalist and pundit, sharing his opinion on politics to millions of people every month. His writing has been featured on the cover of HuffingtonPost.com, Washingtonian Magazine, Patch.com, Voice of Baltimore and other major publications. In 2011, he was Young Member Chair of the National Press Club, representing all media under the age of 35.

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