Oh, Puh-lease! Gwyneth Paltrow’s First World Problems

Written by Pauline Wolak on March 28, 2014

Twice this week I’ve attached a rather descriptive word to Gwyneth Paltrow. My friend Michael said it wasn’t appropriate though. He’s right; Massengill DOES serve a greater purpose. Don’t believe it? Go watch Shallow Hal and come back to me. (Seriously, I wasted good money to rent that).

It started with that ridiculously self-serving blog of hers, Goop. The March 25th entry entitled “Conscious Uncoupling” was a real doozy. She and husband Chris Martin are going their separate ways. (High five, Chris!! Uh, I mean, that’s terrible, tragic news). It started in the usual way. “We still love each other, we’re the best of friends, respect our privacy” blah, blah, blah. If your interest was in privacy, might I suggest not posting your divorce to your blog?

And, let’s be clear (you know you just said that like Barack Obama). It’s a divorce. Conscious or otherwise. It didn’t work out. You suck at marriage. There’s another man or another woman. Whatever. I don’t really care about the whys. Let’s just call it what it is, ok?

Then it got strange. A couple of doctors wrote what I can only describe as a dissertation on the strange new phenomenon that is conscious uncoupling. There was something about longevity being in direct contradiction with that whole “till death” part of marriage, exoskeletons, and bugs. I admit I stopped reading it after the second paragraph and went into scan mode.

After a few snarky remarks to myself, I left her blog behind. I didn’t really give it a second thought. Until I saw today’s headline, that is. “Gwyneth Paltrow: Movie star parenting harder than normal parenting.”

Oh, Gwynnie. You poor, deluded, self-absorbed thing.

“I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening,” she said.

When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, “We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,” and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.

Yeah. Nothing could compare to the horror of a make-up artist, wardrobe person, craft service, a private trailer, a nanny, a driver, and likely someone to wipe your tush for you. It’s a lot to ask for a mere few million dollars a movie. (Mackenzie Dawson of the New York Post wrote a fantastic response). Perhaps Gwyneth doth protest too much?

I’m not going to lie. I love my life. I don’t mind getting up at 6:00 am. I love my job. I love spending time with my kids, even if it’s just in the van on our way to this practice or that game. My days are crazy and busy and messy. But I’m grateful for every second. I am acutely aware of how easy I have it. I don’t get the same vibe from a woman that shills $350 jean shorts on her website.

I suppose working on location wouldn’t allow her the time to make her own roasted rice powder, an apparent recipe must. First world problems, cupcake, first world problems.
I wonder, could she lament the toughness of her job to the mom that just went on her second tour in Afghanistan? Could she recount the horrors of not being able to find kaffir lime leaves to the mother that’s getting by on Ramen?

I’d pay good money to see her try.





Image: Courtesy of: http://www.glee-italia.net/2014/01/gwyneth-paltrow-e-trattative-riprendere-panni-di-holly-holliday/

Pauline is a proud wife and mother of three. When she isn't being the world's greatest Girl Friday, she is volunteers her time as a school librarian and athletic director. Pauline enjoys football, politics, good beer, and arguing with anyone. She's a devout pro-life Catholic. Pauline believes in the 1st Amendment and uses it on a daily basis, most notably to ambush unsuspecting family members in political debate! You can find her work here at Clash and at redknucklepolitics.com. Follow her on twitter at @MiStateFan.