Recently Duck Commander Willie Robertson invited President Barack Obama to go duck hunting. I have obtained the only known transcript of that event. The media still refuses to admit that it really happened.
Willie: Mr. President, welcome to Duck Command. I’m so glad you decided to take me up on the offer to go duck hunting.
Barack: Well, let me be honest with you, Willie, it was Valerie J’s idea. I’ve never been duck hunting and really, it’s not my thing. I’m more of a basketball kinda guy or golf.
Willie: I play a little golf.
Barack: Oh yeah? I love the links, when I can find the time, but with the job, it’s been tough. Best thing in the world. Beautiful green grass, Michelle isn’t there, peaceful, if you know what I mean.
Willie: I think I do Mr. President.
Barack: Willie, call me Barry. You know, just pretend I’m a regular guy. Not the most powerful man in the world who could destroy your whole dynasty with a quick call to the IRS or Eric Holder. Just kidding, a little presidential humor, but really, call me Barry.
Willie: Okay, Mr. Pres…I mean Barry.
Barack: Valerie was hoping we could get some good pics for Twitter.
Willie: We’ll see. It’s a two person blind, just enough room for us and the dog.
Barack: I have a dog, Bo…man they tell me he loves the water.
Willie: These dogs are Labradors. They love to work, it’s in their nature.
Barack: They must be Republicans!
Willie: Well, I don’t know. He’s not registered to vote.
Barack: Really? We got some dogs registered in the swing districts, if you know what I mean.
Willie: Voter ID would stop that, I guess. Hard to get an ID for a dog.
Barack: Oh, it’s not as hard as you think. Just need a birth certificate. I know a guy who knows a guy can you help you out with that. Batta Boom Batta Bing. Don’t tell anybody I said that. What’s that smell?
Willie: That’s Phil. My dad uses this blind a lot. He’s not into bathing.
Barack: Ole Phil caused a bit of a controversy this year. He’s kind of an old school red-neck isn’t he?
Willie: Yeah, he’s one-of-a-kind, but we love him.
Barack: You should’ve dumped him and cut your losses. Your show’s lost ratings ever since.
Willie: We stand beside each other in this family. We have to be quiet for the ducks to come in. Also, you see that red button on your shotgun.
Willie: That means it’s ready to fire. Could you push it back to safety? Don’t want anyone to accidentally get shot.
Barack: Yeah, that’s what Dick Cheney said. Boom!
Willie: Here come some ducks. Wait till they get close, and then let ‘em have it.
Barack: Okay. Here’s my phone. Take a picture of me shooting. An action shot. That’ll keep Valerie off my you know what.
Barack shoots, nothing falls.
Barack: Son of a b!#$@
Willie: They’re pretty tricky, Barry. You’ll get the next ones.
Barack: Did you get the picture?
Barack: Let me see. Oh, that’s good. Okay, we can wrap this up. It’s been fun.
Willie: But we haven’t got any ducks yet. We have to be patient. Sit here quietly and wait for them, you’ll get the next ones. It’s not good for the dog to quit without getting him something to retrieve.
Barack: Well, he can file for unemployment.
Willie: Putin wouldn’t quit without getting some ducks, now would he?
Barack: No. Probably not, but he’s crazy. Always, going around, no shirt, looking tough. I hate that guy. He probably can’t hit a sand wedge! Hey, is that chew in your mouth?
Willie: Yes, out here spitting is part of being a man.
Barack: Do you think anyone can see us in here?
Barack: Good, then can I have some?
Barack: Michelle’s all over my @$$ about not smoking. She’s even got the secret service watching me.
Willie hands the chew to Barack.
Barack: Oh that’s good.
Willie: I don’t want to get you in trouble with Michelle. The marriage relationship is vital…
Barack: Did I ever tell you about my dad?
Barack: I had a friend write a whole book about it, lots of big words, like audacity. I just wonder. Would he be proud of me? Why did he leave me? Was it my fault? I mean what did I do?
Willie: Oh my…you seem to have some father abandonment issues. Need a tissue?
Barack: No. I’m good. Also, don’t tell Michelle about the chew; deal?
Willie: Sure, but you shouldn’t keep a secret from your wife.
Barack: Well, it’s been fun. Gotta run. I have to Snap-chat later with Putin and I have to get in the zone for it.
Willie: We’re all counting on you Barry, whether we agree or not, you are the President.
Barack: Don’t worry. I’ll be ready. I take three of those blue pills and let me tell you, you’ll feel like a man for a lot more than four hours.
Willie: I did not know that. I think I’ll just stick to having a manly beard and shooting ducks.
Barack: Well, this has been fun. Next time you’re in D.C. look me up. I’m in the big white house!
Suddenly, a helicopter lands and the President climbs aboard leaving Willie alone with his dog.
The preceding is satire.
Author, S.C. Sherman’s latest novel titled Mercy Shot is available for purchase at www.scsherman.com and Kindle version is available on Amazon.com. Contact Steve via email firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, go LIKE www.facebook.com/mercyshot to stay up to date on all things Mercy Shot.
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