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The Time Has Come: Rise of the P.I.N.O. Politician

It is early days, yet the prognosis for the 2014 mid-term election looks promising. The mid-term is always tough on the party in the White House, but this year is shaping up to be especially punishing. A confluence of issues is coagulating into a creamy cup of crap for incumbent statists. Issues like Obamacare, the obfuscation of personal privacy by Big Brother, the pathetic job market, our bumbling of international diplomacy over Ukraine, the pathetic housing market, various IRS scandals, even Benghazi are all coalescing into an albatross which should rightfully hang from the necks of the Big Government progressives in office today. Even school kids are beginning to turn on the MTV President, starting a Twitter trend by posting pictures of their pathetic school lunches with thank-you letters to Michelle Obama.

This backlash is brewing despite the most lackluster, impotent Republican opposition imaginable. The GOP is either suffering from a crisis of leadership, a desire to replace Democratic socialism with Republican socialism—or both. Since the 2010 election, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell have surrendered without a fight on issue after issue after issue, ostensibly pointing toward some arcane endgame they have in mind; but our opponents have been on the ropes for months while we await the arrival of a knock-out punch, or even a stiff jab. This backlash is not thanks to the French Republicans in Washington, but in spite of them.

The outlook is favorable for conservatives for only 2 reasons. First, Joe and Judy Patriot have never taken their eye off the ball. True American patriots have been battling and protesting and raging since the LAST mid-term election, when we handed Boehner his Speakership. We’ve been holding their feet to the fire and will continue to do so through grassroots organizations, citizen journalists, and righteous outrage.

Secondly, things look favorable because the inherent idiocy of progressive policy is becoming plain. Despite the best efforts of the lickspittle media, the Emperor’s bare buttocks are now flapping in the breeze for a wide swath of Americans. Some are even experiencing voter’s remorse, realizing that the administration who pretended to be Liberal is making the Bush administration look like Noam Chomsky. This is a two-edged sword, since the recently-woken Obama zombies could seek still more radical leftists, more thoroughly committed to the cause; ideologues like De Blasio or Elizabeth Warren provide just the sort of red meat those succubi crave.

We can no longer leave things in the hands of the GOP’s political consultants and survey monkeys. They give us terrible Presidential candidates and actively work against constitutional conservatives in Congressional and state elections. I propose we take a page from their own playbook. I’m tired of talking about (and being governed by) RINOs. I want to talk about PINOs.

We aren’t winning as many elections as we should because we aren’t fighting as smartly as we should. We’re like the guy in a highlight video from Mike Tyson’s early career; attempting to engage in “fisticuffs” with a pitbull in boxer trunks. We laugh when we watch how expediently Mike took care of them; but that is us, in the political realm. We are unprepared for what we face and stuck playing by the old rules. We’ve also hit the canvas a number of times in recent rounds and our corner can’t wait to throw in the towel, every chance they get!

The choices seem stark, but there is some middle ground between pure Alinskian pragmatism and vanilla fisticuffs, Mike Tyson and Glass Joe. I’m talking about a PINO politician: Progressive In Name Only. Why should we be continually stuck with politicians who reveal their progressive tendencies over the caviar at the swearing-in ceremony? What we need are candidates who will run as moderate, milquetoast Republican progressives, but vote like red-blooded patriots. A conservative in disguise! Think about it, these men and women would be courted by the lickspittle media and funded by the RNC, just like all of those RINOs we despise, only when these crypto-patriots get to office, they’ll legislate like the staunch conservatives we have been seeking.

This cannot be an organized operation. This requires spontaneous participation by a number of committed individuals. No one can direct or coordinate this campaign strategy; it has to be deep-cover and held very close to the vest. We’ve seen what can happen when a RINO’s mask slips (Dede Scozzafava, anyone?) and cannot take that risk.

The beauty of it is that the progressives in media and the GOP will be caught unawares. Once the first few PINOs have surfaced, the RNC will be more paranoid than Cheech & Chong on an overnight layover in Denver. They’ll be unable to tell a PINO from a Mark Kirk! Just think about the apoplexy which awaits supporters of organizations like Planned Parenthood, the Human Rights Campaign, and SEIU when they learn that their organization helped elect a Tea Party conservative!

I am calling for 2016 to be the Year of the PINO Candidate. Progressives have been trying to force us into the closet for years. I say we acquiesce, only to emerge in 2 years with a cadre of crypto-conservatives ready to bite the progressive hands which have fed them and strike a blow for the little guy. It’s Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with an ironic, Alinskian twist.

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Luke Hamilton

Luke Hamilton is classically-trained, Shakespearean actor from Eugene, Oregon who happens to be a liberty-loving, right-wing, Christian constitutionalist. When not penning columns for, Hamilton spends his time astride the Illinois-Wisconsin border, leading bands of liberty-starved citizens from the progressive gulags of Illinois to [relative] freedom. Hamilton is the creative mind/voice behind Pillar & Cloud Productions, a budding production company which resides at He owes all to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose strength is perfected in his weakness.

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