Yum-Yum: Michelle O’s ‘Safe Snacking’ for Schoolchildren

Written by Jeannie DeAngelis on April 16, 2014

The federal government, whose money has been known to finance what they call ‘healthy initiatives’ such as Planned Parenthood, on-campus public high-school health clinics, condom give-aways, and “Transgender Bisexual Gay Lesbian Awareness Day” functions in Connecticut high schools, are now officially banning junk food in schools and calling the injunction the “Smart Snacks in School” program.

It’s the government’s version of “Safe Sex” for snackers.

According to the USDA, sort of like Papal dispensation, “The new standards preserve flexibility for time-honored traditions like fundraisers and bake sales, and provide ample transition time for schools.” Still, what the decision could mean is that the cupcakes will be missing next to the balloons at the condom pick-up table. In addition, the post-abortion orange juice choices at the Planned Parenthood on-campus clinic will likely no longer be from concentrate, and as for gay pride events, humorous food choices like hot dogs and donuts will probably be a huge no-no.

In an article entitled The USDA Bans Junk Food From Schools, Effective This July, Danica Lo of Epicurious writes that starting in July the USDA will begin to “make the healthy choice the easy choice for America’s young people,” which means the Cass Sunstein-style “nudging” of school children will be strictly enforced.

Kids will be shoved toward foods that, without adult prodding, they’d normally spurn. Think of it as being away from your own mother but being unable to escape everybody’s big scowling mama, America’s self-appointed food maven Michelle, even at school.

According to new regulations being instituted by the USDA [Michelle Obama], junk food is now totally verboten — in school vending machines, stores, and lunchrooms. That means that fruits, veggies, whole grains, and dairy are good to go, while high-sodium, high-sugar, and high-fat foods are not.

What the ramifications are for being found with a white flour pretzel, a sharia-compliant Cadbury egg, or a 3.5-gallon drum of Popcornopolis on school property is still unclear. If a kid loses his head and shows up with a bag of “melt in your mouth not in your hand” contraband, will the same jackbooted group that surrounded the Brady ranch in Nevada be prepared to surround the 100,000+ public schools that receive federal funding for the National School Lunch Program?

Probably not. However, daredevil candy dealers being surrounded by cafeteria ladies for detention and being forced to peel garbage cans-full of carrots to make carrot sticks might be a deterrent. If that doesn’t work, type-II Diabetes candidates being threatened with going classroom-to-classroom dressed as a politically-correct tomatillo and showing the USDA “Smart Snacks in Schools” guideline “short, simple to understand” video that explains the 230+ page rule book on school snacks might curtail criminal behavior.

The problem the feds may run into is that there are online step-by-step guides on how to sneak anything into school. There are tutorials on how to get handheld video games, iPhones, and candy-flavored e-Cigarettes past parents, out of the house, and through school security.

Schoolchildren have become adept at slipping illegal drugs, inhalants, and date rape drugs into schools. High school kids even soak gummy bears in vodka to snack on during English class. There’s also a video that illustrates how deadly weapons can be stashed in your baggy pants.

That’s why, if it’s impossible to keep drugs, alcohol, and dangerous weaponry out of public schools, how is the US government supposed to prevent bags of Skittles concealed in adipose tissue, shoved into backpacks, and crammed into body cavities from infiltrating America’s schools?

Image: Courtesy of: http://viewpointsofasagittarian.blogspot.com/2012/03/nanny-state-michelle-obama-advances.html

Jeannie DeAngelis
Jeannie DeAngelis, born in Brooklyn, New York and raised on Long Island, is a wife, mother and grandmother to three grandsons. She has written for politically-themed articles for conservative websites like American Thinker and Breitbart, emphasizing current events as well as the full range of liberal hypocrisy in politics and Hollywood, and pro-life issues. Jeannie publishes a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com.