Obama the Great to Vanquish the Sun!

Written by Tim Wilkins on May 9, 2014

I was watching Gladiator for the 100th time the other day when I happened across the latest proclamation about global warming from White House counselor John Podesta. Instantly my mind connected him, and many other left-leaning sycophants, to Cassius the ring announcer at the Gladiator games.  Oh how they do glow and gloat when ringing forth about the accomplishments and intentions of today’s Caeser.

Behold mighty Obama, destroyer of Al Qaeda, great provider of health to the sick and impoverished, he who has strode mightily across this great planet to unite and not divide, for it is he now, in all of his magnificence, who shall bring defeat to the burning ball of gas in the sky which set to destroy us! And lo for there is nothing the whining hordes on the right can do to stop him.

Yes, that is slightly dramatized reading of what Podesta said but accurate nonetheless. Our resolute President is set to draw a red line around global warming, um change, or rather climate disruption that the sun and the Republicans dare not cross.

Thankfully to back up his need to save us all, Obama created jobs researching the damaging effects of global whatever they’re calling it today so that he can have a legacy of something. The panel’s report is out and there are no surprises. According the “experts” we can expect more droughts, longer hotter summers, famine, floods and rising sea levels, if we don’t act in the next 45 minutes!

Let’s forget for a minute any scientific disagreement to the contrary and just look at how these claims have played out in the past.

In the 1970s the wooly mammoth graced the cover of major magazines as we were warned of the impending Ice Age due to the harmful effects of mankind’s use of fossil fuels. To think, if only we had the endearing voice of Ray Romano to bring the mammoth to life maybe we could have saved the planet from the years of being covered by a glacier that we have endured. Oh wait, that never happened.

The 80’s saw a generation that couldn’t find a PR hook in playing a game of You’re Getting Warmer, so we were fed the story about slowing down our use of oil because we were about to run out. Wait, that never happened either.

From there we got in our DeLorean and time traveled using banana peels and trash as fuel to the year 2007 when Al Gore won both the Nobel Prize and an Oscar for his movie, An Inconvenient Truth. Mr. Gore stated that if something wasn’t done immediately, by the year we are still living in right now, we would all be burning up, underwater and the polar bears would all be dead, which would put an end to cute Coca-Cola commercials around the holidays. So far apparently, the ice caps are growing and my friends in the Pacific Islands that should be submerged are still calling to rub in how awesome their lives are. None of that has happened either.

Do any of these “realities” or scientific thoughts to the contrary change President Obama’s need to teach that nasty star that revolves around him a lesson? NO! We as a country need to lead the world in policies such as pouring billions into failed alternative energy companies, putting up wind farms that produce little and kill endangered birds, and driving around in electric cars that have batteries made from toxins and get their energy from rainbows and unicorn kisses.

If only we could power our lives with energy from the hot air of our politicians, perhaps the Mighty Obama would truly reign supreme.


After years of making various TV appearances, in 2006 Tim became the co-host of the Monday-Friday live morning talk show “Studio 10”, on the CBS station in Tampa, FL. Currently he is the face of MOR TV in Tampa and he also been seen nationally on HBO, ESPN2, Fox Sports, TLC, CW, WE Network, “The Daily Buzz”, “BetterTV”, “Daytime”, Nickelodeon’s “NickMom Night Out”, and CMT’s “Next Big Comic”. He can also be heard regularly on Sirius/XM radio’s comedy channels.