Pour Some Sugar on Me: Waking Up to Socialist Stupidity

Published on May 20, 2014

by Matt Daniels
Clash Daily Contributor

Upon learning about Socialism, the introductory concepts and the typically communicated ideologies contained within, it’s often difficult for people not to see such wonderful possibilities—kindness, consideration, fairness, equality! The world could be a much better place under the careful watch of a socialistic society.

Everyone has a chance. No one is better than another. Pay is fair, and so is the world at large. Leaders care and better yet they listen to the people. It’s about the people, and collectively they hold the power. Those that can’t or do don’t have to worry because those that can will carry the rest. No one has more than they need and no one gets left out or left in the dark. Socialism: The Great Savior.

It’s a little like the idea of raining candy. It’s fun, sweat, colorful, delicious. A dependable and enjoyable part of life, candy rain. It’s a grand new concept and it’s far better than stupid water, which causes problems like flooding and there are those acid rain issues that crop up on occasion as well. No such thing as acid candy, right? Can’t flood a small village in Cambodia with a downpour of Skittles, right? A baseball game doesn’t get canceled, it gets even more exciting! The rain forests take on a whole new meaning! Everyone gets free candy, all the time, and everyone gets the exact same amount!

Only…well, after a while that might get old, even with all the different varieties out there. And as terrible as rain can be, the plants need the water pretty badly so that’s important to our survival. And rain can be cold and even heavy enough that it requires one to seek shelter, sure. But candy? That could hurt a lot. Lots of damage. Even the idea of catching a million Smarties darting down from the heavens is a little worrisome—imagine catching those drops in your mouth; watch out kids!

At first the idea of the clouds pouring drops of sugary goodness onto the earth seems so amazing, almost too perfect. Looks like raining candy isn’t the party that we all expected; turns out it’s a nasty farce.

Socialism is basically the same thing. Sounds great, like a dream no one would ever choose to wake up from, right? Sure it does! That’s because it is a dream. It’s a nightmare in fact. On paper it might work well but in practice it is an impossibility. To clarify, socialism works just fine but the promises made in the introductory phase start to unravel into half-truths and lies before very long, leaving only the damage of a world suffering under the danger of candy storms.

We all want candy, and most would probably love to eat candy all the time, but those that are foolish to make candy consumption a frequent practice typically find themselves in a world of hurt—much like those countries that swear by the Sword of Socialism. The candy coated world of government mandated equality just doesn’t make sense, kind of like the mixing of metaphors you’re bound to find in this article.

Still…isn’t it nice to dream? Wouldn’t it be great to take a step back and view the world as children? To children the idea of candy falling from the skies ranks among the greatest joys in the world. It’s innocent and fun. But eventually children grow up, and so does their understanding of how things work. The one-time excitement of a world of toothaches and sticky hands, of candy rain, becomes instead a silly memory that responsible adults smile about. Collectively we breathe a sigh of relief that our childhood ideas aren’t manifested into adult realities.

Imagination is spectacular, which is one reason why children are so pure and perfect. It also reflects the beauty of the United States, where imagination is a key ingredient for success. But kids grow and learn, abandoning fanciful ideas like magical creatures and peanuty nougat tornadoes in favor of reason and logic.

So while I’d love to continue to draw comparisons between children and those with socialistic ideologies, whether through crazy ideas of sugary weather or otherwise, that would be tremendously unfair to children. At least kids are expected to play and disappear into fairytales where everyone is happy and perfect; what do those promoting socialism have for an excuse?

Socialists, please stop pleading with the skies for the chance of chocolate rain; if you’re not careful you’ll get what you’re asking for.

Image: Courtesy of: http://artmemory.blogspot.com/2012/08/let-it-be-candy-rain.html

matt Daniels editMatt Daniels is a proud husband and father from Salt Lake City, who when not writing about politics or social issues spends his time writing comedic articles for various publications under the moniker Gary the Unicorn. Matt is also an accomplished musician, rabid Utah Jazz fan and supporter of the arts.