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TAKE A WILD GUESS: Who Killed The First Animal In The Bible?

* The following is an excerpt from Doug Giles’ new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation

No doubt, I’m sure some of you are thinking that it probably was Satan or someone closely connected to him like that godless tramp Jezebel, or possibly an idiotic idolater? Or, I know, it was that Gadarene demoniac freak in the Gospel of Mark, who was running around naked in that graveyard cutting himself with rocks! Yep, it’s got to be him.
That fool would have killed a cuddly rabbit with no problemo whatsoever. I mean, he did cause a herd of pigs to plunge over
 a cliff to their doom. No. I’m sorry. The demoniac did not cause that to occur; but, rather, Jesus was the one who okay’ed that mass slaughter of two thousand swine (Mark 5:1-13) by directing the exorcised demons into a herd of pigs. But I digress. Back to hunting.

So, who felled the first animal according the Bible? Well, I hate to break it to you but it was neither el Diablo, Jezebel, nor the Gadarene demoniac that slayed the first beast.

No, the first person within the word of God, whom Scripture states drew first blood was … wait for it … you ain’t gonna believe this … hold on … are you sitting down? Here it comes … it … was … (drum roll please) … none other than God, himself.

Now, before you think I’m several ounces short of a pint, remember our standard is the Bible; and the first reference I can find within this particular book of an animal getting off’ed is right here peeps…

“Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.” – Genesis 3:21 I mean, it seems to me pretty clear from the aforementioned text that, after Adam and Eve had sinned, Yahweh made for them coats made of skins. Please note that the verse did not say he made them onesies out of wool or cardigans built of cashmere. It says, the Lord God made coats out of skin. Skin, folks. Skin. S-K-I-N, skin.

Now, y’all help me here because I’m not the smartest dude schlepping this pebble, but the last time I checked, when you skinned an animal it was usually dead or it died a horrible death soon after. Surely, God wouldn’t have skinned an animal alive, would he? Nah. That would have been really cruel, eh? So, I’m a guessin’ that Jehovah put the animal down before he pulled its skin off and made Adam and Eve some haute couture.

Check it out: the first animal to die, according to Scripture, was, by inference, via the hand of God.

At least I’m guessing that it was God.

Yep, the bible doesn’t say that God went to Macy’s to grab some Ralph Lauren, or that God found some fresh roadkill and stripped their nasty hides, so I assume that some critter had to take one for the team in order to clothe our rebellious first parents – and that animal was slain by the hand of God.

Who else could/would have done it? Surely, not the metrosexual Adam who was afraid of snakes. And why, if someone else killed the critter, does the book of Genesis say the LORD God provided the skins in which Adam and Eve were donned?

Look, if any of you sages out there in biblical-interpretation land have any other conclusion on what it means when the Bible says, “Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them,” then please … thrill me with it. Because, from an unfiltered read of this passage, this redneck understands this to mean that God did in the first critter in order to provide some leather to wear for our fallen folks.

Which brings up a couple of other interesting points.

First off, because this event took place prior to the flood, the meat was wasted because no meat was consumed until after the Noahic flood (see Genesis 9:1-3). OMG, what will the bunny lovers do with that revelation?

Secondly, I don’t know what animal was utilized for making Adam and Eve some ready-to-wear (probably a leopard, I mean that’s what I would have used) but it is clear that God, who could have used cotton or bark or grass skirts to clothe these two knuckleheads, chose instead to use leather. Rock-n-Roll. God’s not only the initial one to put the first animal to rest, but he is also a fashion designer that used animal skins to clothe his creation.

So, my little children who love to hunt, what do we learn from this little Bible study? Succinctly, it is this: the next time your nasally neighbor gives you grief about hunting an animal and/or wearing leather simply tell the naysayers that you’re “following the lead of our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be His name.”

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Get Doug Giles’ new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation today!

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Doug Giles

About the author, Doug Giles:

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at ClashDaily.com and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter. And check out his NEW BOOK, Pussification: The Effeminization Of The American Male.

View all articles by Doug Giles

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