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HAM SANDWICHES, Rick Perry And Texan Grand Juries

Someone (probably a defense attorney) once said, “A grand jury could indict a ham sandwich.” This is a truism right up there with “gravity can hurt you.” Grand juries are usually six people taken from among the roll of registered voters. Thus, grand juries usually come with no guarantee of innate intelligence. After all, the roll of registered voters in this country includes the 39% of voters who still think Obama is doing a great job as president. Ergo, 39% of your usual grand jury can include some real dim-witted cretins…perhaps masquerading as intelligent folks (ie; college professors, corporate fat cats who engage in government cronyism, doctors who work a couple half days per week doing abortions and spend the rest of their time at the country club, wealthy soccer moms who write nonsensical letters to the local newspaper accusing a certain cartoonist of racism because the cartoonist in question once had the audacity to scoff at some of Obama’s antics and probable bad golf scores).

This phenomenon explains why ham sandwiches do get indicted sometimes. It also, sadly, explains why many innocent people have gone to the gas chamber.

It also explains why Rick Perry was indicted recently when he had agreed that some drunken public official in Texas should be fired for being stupid-drunk and belligerent… on duty. The grand jury who attacked Perry was in Austin, which is in the only blue county in Texas. (I think Austin is the state capitol…I would have to consult my wifey. She memorized the state capitols in third grade when I was engaged in higher pursuits, like trying to make two free throws in a row…or, truthfully, just get a basketball up to the rim.) As often occurs, state capitals are hotbeds of liberal dumb ideas and people. So it is safe to assume the grand jury included some liberal/commie/tree-hugging/socialist/terrorist-sympathizers.

Just another case of politicizing the legitimate legal process to further a corrupt political agenda (ie; delegitimizing Rick Perry as a possible presidential candidate).

I don’t think any law prohibits a grand jury from indicting its own members for ham sandwichism. This will reoccur unless we exclude ham sandwiches from serving on grand juries. I apologize for offending the sensibilities of any ham sandwiches literate enough to read this. And offer this word of encouragement. Do not be discouraged if you are afflicted by ham sandwichism. Some ham sandwiches have and are serving in very high office.

Steve Bowers

About the author, Steve Bowers:

Steve Bowers grew up on a farm in Indiana, attended Indiana University and went into the construction business. While working on a construction project at a law school he was appalled at how lawyers could screw stuff up on a simple building project. Thinking he could do better, Steve went to law school. He’s pretty naive.

View all articles by Steve Bowers

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