By Morgan Barkus
Clash Daily Guest Contributor
You want to know why men cheat? Because women don’t do their jobs.
Women get married, and then clock out. Not all women, but there are a fair number of women out there completely unaware that their husbands are hiring prostitutes or sleeping with someone from the office.
When these women do find out their husbands are cheating they are devastated, and understandably so. The sanctity of their marriage is shattered. Loyalty and trust are out the window. Can they forgive? Will they forgive? Some believe in “death do us part,” so stay in a marriage marred by betrayal, while others stay for the children or because being alone sounds like a more miserable existence.
I am not claiming that all women are responsible for their husbands’ indiscretions. Some men are not meant for monogamy, and no matter what their wives look like or do for them they will cheat. These men should never pretend that they want to be married. It is unfair to the women that fall victim to their lies.
The cheating men I am referring to in this article are overall good men. Men who work hard, provide for their families, and just want their wives to do their jobs.
What is a woman’s job in a marriage? Women should be feminine, sexy, loving, gentle, supportive, and appreciative. This means greeting your man when he gets home from work. It means listening to his boring work stories like you care, and validating what you heard with a, “Yes, that does sound frustrating,” or “Good for you for standing up for your coworker. You’re a good man.” Is that too old fashioned for you? Too circa 1955 The Good Wife’s Guide from Housekeeping Monthly? Go ahead and call me old fashioned, but I am sticking to my guns on this.
To date I am a 34 year old single woman living in Miami who did my time studying psychology in college, and then earning my Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family therapy. I have worked with couples professionally both as a therapist and a life coach, and most importantly I have paid keen attention to the marriages around me for over three decades, and found that the more traditional the marriage the longer the marriage has lasted and the happier the partners seem to be. There is something to be said about a 23% divorce rate in 1955 compared to an at least 50% divorce rate in 2014.
In almost sixty years the divorce rate has more than doubled. Does that mean that people were more complacent and less demanding back in the 1950’s or is it possible that all the social changes that have happened in those sixty years has had a negative impact on marriage? I would argue the latter.
I am more than supportive of women having careers, making good money, supporting themselves, traveling alone, and dating so as not to settle for just any guy that will have them, but when the time comes that women do find their match there has to be a shift in awareness and attention. A simple, concise definition of this shift in focus and roles is: married women nurture, support, and seduce, while married men protect, provide, and procreate. Sounds out of tune with today’s pervasive demands for absolute equality between the sexes, doesn’t it? But in my opinion the above formula is what works best in marriages, and long-lasting, happy marriages is what matters to most couples.
What did women do to get their men? They let the men pursue them, court them, open car doors and decide on date destinations. The men paid for dinner and they made their intentions clear. Women smiled, laughed, listened, dressed cute, shaved their legs, wore sexy shoes and some dangly earrings, made sure they smelled inviting, flirted and made the men feel special.
Women are quite sensuous creatures, and the Creator was in no way shy about intending them to be so. Women are everything men are not physically, and this oppositeness is what draws men in. Men and women are diametrically opposed creatures that long to join in a union that finally makes them feel complete. Two people fortunate enough to feel that kind of love usually take advantage of the opportunity, and make it official in front of friends and family by way of marriage.
It all sounds so perfect, so beautiful, but obviously something goes terribly wrong along the way because too many men are out there cheating on their wives.
It has been my observation, and I firmly believe, that many marriages would remain pure and sacred if women did their jobs. Once married, women cannot disregard the importance of keeping up the intrigue, femininity, and sensuality that drew their husbands to them in the first place. Once married two people should be able to let their most vulnerable and passionate sides run wild. This means having sex regularly, and not out of obligation or duty. Sex is one of the most intimate and divine ways two people can connect. Without words a husband and wife can bond on a deep level, both physically and spiritually. They enter into a place that is private, special and unique to them as a couple. The union of two souls meant for one another, a break from the outside world, and a chance to connect, explore, enjoy, and play. Embrace it!
Married women have every right, and should be, indulging in the pleasures of the body. Not only is it healthy and enjoyable physically, it would save many marriages. Men want sex, and they want it regularly. If their wives don’t satisfy that natural, basic need most husbands will find it elsewhere.
Women who refuse to embrace their sexuality and the pleasures of the body, and whose damaged body-image and confidence lend to a disconnection in their marriages, have two options. They can ignore these issues and hope their husbands are not cheating or they can become more self-aware and commit to making changes. Isn’t that a job well worth doing?
Morgan Barkus is a personal development and relationship expert, for both individuals and couples.
Morgan has a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, and belongs to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).
Follow her on MorganBarkus.com