KAPPA TAPPA KEGGA—Nationalizing the Greek Fraternity System

Written by Luke Hamilton on October 2, 2014

Don’t look now, but those crazy college cats are at it again! It’s a new school year and they’re already cramming “progress” down our throats whether we like it or not!

Wesleyan University in Connecticut has decided to perpetuate the trend started at Trinity College a couple of years ago. Wesleyan has decreed that any fraternity with an on-campus residence must become co-ed in two years. Yes, co-ed. As in women must be allowed to join fraternities on a college campus. According to WTIC News, the university made this decision because they were concerned about drinking and drug use in fraternities. Aaaaaand apparently the answer is frat sisters…??

This is yet another example of the bureaucratic despotism which is de rigeur in today’s Amerika. Time and again, we’ve seen private organizations not allowed to determine how best to serve their clientele. Time and again, they must be forced into something which is ostensibly “good for them”. If the Left’s ideas are so good, why do they have to make them mandatory? Think about all of the prize-winning ideas to emerge from Leftism.
The only reason they’re still around is because ideologue politicians made them into law.

Despite the fascist progressivism on display here, I’m not wholly opposed to this idea. I mean, there’s no question that this is motivated by TOLERANCEQUALITYESWECANism, but is it possible that this could produce an unwittingly-helpful social experiment? For the most part, today’s social fraternities are useless entities. Truth be told, it’s difficult to discern if they were ever useful for much of anything beyond lucrative networking opportunities and a steady replenishment of the Good Ol’ Boys Club. But at least fraternities used to pretend to adhere to a moral code of sorts, with the understanding that members represented the prestige and reputation of the communal whole. Today’s fraternal incarnations seem to exist in order to pad the pockets of InBev shareholders.

Changes clearly need to be made and what better way to force-feed maturity than to recreate a facsimile of real life in a restrictive environ? First off, if this is going to be a successful Leftist endeavor, it needs to be mandatory (see above). Any college or university which takes even a dollar of taxes must require all students to pledge a fraternity, and all of those fraternities will be made co-ed. Just think about all the possibilities of a nationalized Greek system!

In order to provide exposure to financial reality, we could require fraternity roommates to file their taxes jointly. Anyone who’s ever had the proverbial stoner roommate knows what a trying experience being financially-yoked to another individual can be. Let’s provide them with a greater incentive to succeed by involving the IRS. When your daughter is holding her roommate’s bong hostage while he hunts for his W-2 from Gamestop, you can be sure she is learning an invaluable lesson about the importance of drug-screening potential business partners.

Co-ed fraternities could also reinforce the importance of the marriage bond in the fabric of our society. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the more prevalent college attendance becomes, and the more promiscuous that college life becomes, the less inclined Americans are to stay married. Today, more than 1 in 5 American adults have been through a divorce in their lives. In a co-ed environment, it might be possible to demonstrate the buzz-harshing consequences of failed matrimony in a safe environment.

If two frat roommates aren’t getting along, one of them could file for a frat transfer. If that transfer is granted, the Departer can take up to 50% of the room’s contents for their own. Of course, both parties would share joint custody of any Playstation 4 or Xbox One console, which would have to be dropped off every other weekend to spend some time with the Departee and his new roommate.

As Triumph would say, “I kid! I kid!” But the truth is, many American parents are paying a small fortune for their kids to grow indoctrinated to hate the concept of capitalist prosperity; the outworking of which has allowed many of these same parents to send them to college in the first place. Spend five minutes talking to a current college student and it will be readily apparent that they have not learned critical reasoning or basic foundations of logic while engaged in higher learning. Campus isn’t a place to sharpen minds anymore, it is a place to radicalize emotional activism. True, some young men and women are able to tune out the cacophony and emerge smarter and more mature, in spite of their professors. Yet the rest of their classmates graduate with little more to show for their efforts than an alcohol tolerance to rival Homie Da Clown and a penchant for making decisions based on the tumidity of their groins.

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kevingoebel/469018937/


Luke Hamilton is classically-trained, Shakespearean actor from Eugene, Oregon who happens to be a liberty-loving, right-wing, Christian constitutionalist. When not penning columns for ClashDaily.com, Hamilton spends his time astride the Illinois-Wisconsin border, leading bands of liberty-starved citizens from the progressive gulags of Illinois to [relative] freedom. Hamilton is the creative mind/voice behind Pillar & Cloud Productions, a budding production company which resides at www.PillarCloudProductions.com. He owes all to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose strength is perfected in his weakness.