SUSIE BREITBART: ‘I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired’

Published on January 4, 2015

Andrew Breitbart’s widow has a powerful and personal message for those who’ve suffered loss and massive setbacks.

By Susie Bean Breitbart

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time.

Finally, for the first time in my life, I have resolved to do something about it — the right way. I’ve decided to work at climbing out of this musty rabbit hole — one step at a time.

Inch by inch, I will claw through the damp murky soil, up past the roots and the worms, past the scents of clay and minerals and damp, rotting leaves, and I will disregard them as I ascend to the surface and toward the bright, comforting warmth of the sun.

As I write this, I am terrified. Terrified that you won’t believe me; that my kids won’t believe me. Most of all, I’m terrified that I don’t believe me. But I have no choice. I must make my way out of here or die in here.

Every day I will break a sweat and let my heart race.

Every day I will create my new reality through words or art.

Every day I will embrace the good in my life more than the bad.

I have been blessed, so blessed in this life — blessed with four wonderful, lovable, healthy and beautiful children. I have been cursed in this life — cursed by the untimely young death of my selfless, loving husband not long ago.

I have allowed myself to focus on the loss and pain, to wallow in fear and succumb to total paralysis at times. I resolve now to focus on the love and the gifts more than the lack in my life.

Every day I will practice loving myself as much as I love my children.

Every day I will praise them for the goodness they bring to this world and to me.

Every day I will work my ass off to let them see me smile as I laugh at their knock-knock jokes and potty humor.

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