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NEW RULES: The Gelded White Police Officer’s Guide To Dealing With Unruly Black People

By now, everyone in America should have realized that the white man’s laws are not to be applied to black people, because slavery and Jim Crow, and white supremacy and white privilege, and institutional racism and disparate impact and achievement gap and structural inequality and kill whitey anyway, that’s why.

Blacks can just do whatever they want.  Anything opposing that basic principle is hateful bigotry.

Pursuant to this new policy, which has actually been in development for quite a few years now, we’ve come up with a set of firm guidelines which are to be deemed in force immediately, for all white male police officers in particular.  Failure by any honkus to abide by these rules will result in being publicly skinned alive and run over by at least one municipal passenger bus.

The new rule is that a mob of lawless black teens should just be able to freely swarm around a scene of a fight/general disturbance where the police are trying to restore order, they can scream abuse at the police and challenge them without any repercussions, physical or otherwise.  Cops, especially creepy-ass cracker cops, must grovel and submit, and must always present a posture of cheerful, friendly demeanor and pleasantries — no yelling, no swearing, no intimidation or display of force whatsoever.

Remember, the rule is that lawless, feral blacks are now calling all the shots; the only reason the police exist and are sent to any scene is so blacks can file shakedown lawsuits (and even put whitey behind bars if at all possible, if not wound or kill whitey).

If any white cop gets to the point where he’s so stressed out that he breaks decorum, runs around raising his voice, uses profanity, or (Oprah forbid) harshly restrains an unruly black person, he’s obviously not fit for police work and must be banished into a Siberian netherworld on the fringes of society, with no hope of gainful position or quality of life again — especially if he draws his sidearm in response to multiple males advancing on him while he’s down on the ground grappling with a subject.

If you’re a white cop, particularly if you’re on the smaller side, the proper response to multiple males suddenly advancing on you aggressively while you’re down grappling with a thrashing subject (after you’ve already sprinted all over the area, fallen, used all your handcuffs on other subjects, your backup is off dealing with other stuff & nowhere to be seen, and one of the guys’ hands drops down to his side as if to reach for a weapon) policy says you are to just let them gang-swarm/subdue you, perhaps disarm you if they wish.  Who knows, maybe they’d like to seize the opportunity to get revenge for all the centuries of oppression and whatnot, mortally wound you, whatever.  So your duty at that point is to not draw your gun on them to ward them off.  Let them move in and get their social justice.  Furthermore, if you lost your temper in the melee of racing all over and falling, chasing unruly crowd of black teens, you deserve an adverse fate that much more.

There, then.  I do hope this little primer has been helpful, to the general public and to creepy-ass white devil cracker cops across the land.

Donald Joy

Following his service in the United State Air Force, Donald Joy earned a bachelor of science in business administration from SUNY while serving in the army national guard. As a special deputy U.S. marshal, Don was on the protection detail for Attorney General John Ashcroft following the attacks of 9/11. He lives in the D.C. suburbs of Northern Virginia with his wife and son.

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