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THE STATE OF MODERN RESEARCH: We Now Have Smarter Monkeys and Wimpier Men

The news this week has been very interesting, so I thought I would share a few:

Miguel Nicolelis at Duke University has developed the first brain-to-brain interfaces. Microscopic wires implanted in the brains, first of rats, allowed intercontinental transfer of data between them. When a rat learned to solve movement or touch based problems their brain activity was recorded in patterns of electrical stimulation then transferred to other rats helping them to solve the same problems more quickly.

In one experiment three rhesus monkeys were set in different rooms in front of a computer screen sharing brain activity. Each monkey had to learn to control the movements of a realistic virtual monkey arm on a video display. Researchers found that the animals synchronized their brain activity and worked together to complete simple tasks.

To make a long story short, when all the monkeys successfully guided the arm to touch a moving target they got a reward.

After a while the monkeys developed simple pattern recognition skills by synchronizing their brain activity depending on the stimulus. These pattern recognition skills enabled them to predict an increased or decreased chance of rain.

The brainets predicted rain with a 41% accuracy much higher than just chance.

Can you imagine the clinical applications?? I’m pretty sure that if you linked 4 or 5 monkey brains together you could replace many Democratic congressmen or women. Probably 6 or 7 for John Kerry or Joe Biden, but the money saved would be enormous! The liquor bill for Nancy Pelosi’s flights back and forth to California could support a small country.

Speaking of monkey brains, Obama has ordered DARPA to implant U.S. soldiers with brain chips. The hope of these chips will be to restore cognitive ability to traumatized soldiers as well as enhance their performance on the battlefield.

According to the pentagon, many soldiers have had chip implants but media has never been allowed to know who they are or to interview them.

DARPA has revealed a few more details about Obama’s plan and the brain mapping programs going on right now. These implants would be used to restore memories in wounded soldiers and Alzheimers patients plus treat common brain disorders by implanting the chips directly into brain tissue.

The problem is that DARPA is not in the medicine business, they make weapons. So what exactly is Obama funding??

Well I’m sure whatever it is, Obama would never use it to hurt the American people.

And last but not least, it seems the size of G.I. Joe’s muscles are now the micro-aggression of the minute and can be harmful to men’s mental health. Also the phrase “be a man” can lead to homicidal violence.

These ideas were shared with students at Vanderbilt University’s Healthy Masculinities Week and organized by the Margaret Cuningim Women’s Center. Now I don’t know who Margaret Cuningim is or was but I do know that this woman must have died a virgin.

The lecture began with Jackson Katz an anti-sexist activist (?) and filmmaker showing clips from his film Tough Guise and explaining to his audience that since the 80’s and 90’s G.I. Joe’s biceps have gotten larger and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone’s guns have gotten bigger in recent roles. Ah, so??

Maybe guns and biceps are bigger because our country is in dire need of larger than life heroes. It’s perhaps being destroyed by men who are intimidated by masculinity and wear mom jeans and helmets to ride their bikes? It makes as much sense as anti-sexist activist.

The audience was also informed of America’s narrow definition of masculinity. And that all the men present should get therapy to better understand themselves and their perceived gender roles because being emotional is manly. And of course one of the university professors told the audience, “I should have hung myself or jumped out a window from my involvement in athletics.” I concur.

Unfortunately this is what parents pay for. I just hope one of them isn’t Schwarzenegger.

Share if you think there is some good stuff being researched these days; and some really stupid stuff, too.

Noreen O'Brien

Noreen O'Brien is a college grad. with a degree in psychology. Noreen worked for years with troubled teens and their families until the revolving door of liberalism made success for these families impossible. She grew up on cape cod Ma., Sweden, France and England and now makes Maine her home.

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