If Trump Is So Awful, Why Are His Kids So Awesome?

Written by Doug Giles on March 8, 2016

If you believe The 2016 Mitt Romney Edition, Donald Trump is the most corrupt candidate to ever run for the White House and we must all oppose The Donald and vote for Mitt’s and Jeb’s love child, little Marco Rubio.

Love child, never meant to be
Love child, (scorned by) society
Love child, always second best
Love child, different from the rest

Sorry about that.

I got a little lost there for a wee bit.

I started channeling Diana Ross after I mentioned Rubio’s name.

Weird, eh?

Anyway. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. I was talking about Mitt’s on-high exhortation to us poor, bamboozled plebeians … the unthinking rubes of Obamaland … who’re so easily led astray … who’re so lost in space that we’re in need of The 2016 Mitt Romney Edition to point us to the North Star and take us by the hand and lead our lost backsides to the Romney Promised Land, glory to God.

Help us, Mitt!  Help us!

Now, granted, The 2016 Mitt Romney Edition didn’t come right out and say to “Vote for Marco Pequeño  ”, but the Mormon definitely did rag on Trump like a bitter ex-girlfriend scalding her former favored flame.

Yes, I said it.

Once upon a time, Mitt was madly in love with Donald.

I don’t know what happened, but The 2012 Mitt Romney Edition, not to be confused with the all new 2016 Mitt Romney Edition, once doted over Donald and courted his favor like a love sick puppy.

Matter of fact, in 2012 Paul Anka wrote this…

And they called it puppy love

Oh, I guess they’ll never know

How a young Mitt really feels

And why he loves Donald so

… after watching Mitt pursue Trump’s endorsement (and his money) in the last Presidential election.

But that was then and this is now and obviously Mitt’s bitter. I mean… wow. That screed he gave last week against Donald was the exact opposite (and I mean the exact opposite) of what Willard once waxed eloquently about with his then-love interest, Donald J. Trump.

So, why doth Romney rage?

Well, I’m guessin’ it has less to do with patriotism and more to do with personal pettiness and political envy.

But, then again, hell if I know and heck if I care.

That said, there is one thing I’d like to bring up that I really haven’t heard addressed and I kind of find interesting, namely … Trump’s kids are very impressive.

Which is really weird because, if you listen to and believe Donald’s detractors, like Mitt, one would think he would’ve spawned kids that would make Miley Cyrus look like a penitent nun.

Y’all, help me here. I’m confused.

If Trump’s such an evil SOB, of shoddy character, with no moral compass, who doesn’t really love America, then why are his kid’s so sharp, solid, smart and a great addition to this grand American experiment in self-governance?

You’d think that such a supposed scalawag would have kids who’d give the Kardashians’ crass clan a run for their sex-tape money. But no. Donald, Jr., Eric and Ivanka are brilliant and I would bet that they make most of the Donald hater’s adult children look like unaccomplished, booger-pickin’ chuckleheads. But I could, very possibly, be wrong.

By the way, I know several people who talk major crap about the comb-over candidate and, yet, Trump’s kids trump their twenty-something louts, hands down. No contest.

I believe Spiderman once said that a “tree is known by it’s fruit” and “wisdom is vindicated by it’s children.”

No, wait… that wasn’t Spiderman. It was Jesus. Stupid me. Anyway … the point is that who a person is gets reduced down to and showcased within their children.

Awww … did that kick your ass?

Look, don’t shoot me. Jesus said it, not moi. Take it up with him.

Paul, not The Beatle, but the Apostle, said that one of the qualifications for a leader in the church is that he must have dignified children, in all things; and if his children are whacked, well … he can’t lead; because if he can’t lead his own house then why the heck should he lead a church?

That’s tight but it’s right. It’s not observed any longer by most churches but it used to be. But I digress…

Succinctly, if your kids are a mess then you shouldn’t tell us how to live. In the words of songwriter, Jonathan Edwards, “If you can’t even run your own life, I’ll be damned if you’ll run mine – sunshine.”

Now, granted, Trump’s not a minister of the gospel but, like I said, I do find it interesting that, not one, but the whole lot of Trump’s brood, are grade A, non-drug-booze-government tit-addled-indolent-leeches but pretty amazing young charges who bring excellence to this game of life and, heretofore, honor to the Trump name.

Finally, as one of my old and wise, now deceased, mentors once told me: “if you want to know what a man is truly made of, then look no further than his children.”

SEE ALSO: BREAKING: Rubio’s Alleged MISTRESSES Have Been Identified (Marco, You’ve Got Some Explaining To Do)


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